Trouble trouble trouble.

Maybe I could appreciate some of Taylor's Swift's feelings now. Just like how you could feel it, on another level, trouble walking it.

Call it the sixth sense, call it intuition, the name doesn't matter, what matters is that nagging feeling that something wrong is about to happen, and if your will is strong enough, only if your will is strong enough, may you be allowed the chance to past it without harm.

I don't have a strong will.

So it goes back to that awkward. At the end of the day, humans are but animals, driven by primary instinct I guess. If you force people to spend time together long enough, perhaps they would eventually crave for one another.

Doesn't help when trouble comes from the past unforgotten, drives past today un-forgiven, into the tomorrow un-forgivingly.

In the past year, more than once I've heard people say, "You're the best thing that ever happened to us."

In fact, I would be more suspicious if they said that to me directly, like are you serious or are you just trying to get some benefit out of me?

But no.

They weren't telling me, they were saying it to someone else, their colleague, their co-worker. Not me. In a way, it makes me really believe that they meant it, truly and sincerely and yet in a another sense, I feel kind of burdened.

After all, all I did was to be myself. Uphold my values and do my job.

I don't know how the big picture works, all I know is to trust what job I am given, work on my micro part and hope that in the big picture, that's what is required of me.

Sometimes I wonder how I even reach that level of thinking. After all, isn't it human nature to desire attention, recognition? Don't we always want our efforts to be seen, to be awarded, appreciated?

But no? Ever since I certain time in my life that I can't really pinpoint, I've just relegated myself to someone who is more suited to be in the background, someone undeserving of the spotlight.

Whether it be in sports, where I'd rather be the one setting up others for the better shot, or in work where my thinking of doing my job well done is good enough. Sometimes I think I trust those who assign me so much so that I give myself up.

Some would call it selfless, but in all honesty its just probably an inferior complex.

If you can't dunk and would only embarrass yourself trying to do so, why not be the one paving the way for others to dunk? If you can't plan and manage ten people to complete a project, why not just be the one of the ten people who doesn't need to be managed so the project can run smoothly?

When was it that I have decided, being the one others look up upon is no longer who I want to be but rather being the one who helps others stand in the spotlight is a better me?

Hopefully though, I can stay true to myself, and continue to not covet what attention that should not belong to me.