After depression comes denial, and acceptance follows right behind. Beginning to think that the great old puppeteer has once again fooled my mortal minds, blunt those instincts that I've come to trust so dearly.

Maybe it's really the learnt helplessness kicking in. Just like how I realize at the end of the day, we are all just animals, fighting for the same things that animals would fight for, just in a different and supposedly more civilized way.

Just like how learnt helplessness disables the ability to struggle, perhaps one day I'll learn to wriggle comfortably in unease so much so that I'll slowly forget the consciousness of others.

Where to one, one is the world, yet to the world, one is nothing but a speck of dust.

Once and again, it happens. Fate plays us around like little pieces on the chessboard, and I'm just a pawn that deserves no special attention.

Why then? Every time I come close to stopping, to understanding, to enlightenment as some might call it, divine intervention stops me? Is it the lack of resolve that leads the devil to tempt, or just the good old angel guiding towards the right direction when I'm off my track?

Its as if my decision don't mean a thing to any of them, and that with a simple flick of the wrist they could rewrite my destiny, my circumstances, my decisions.

Learnt helplessness?

Maybe I should just stop feeling, stop desiring and my sufferings would stop, like what Buddhism preaches, since it lies the closest to my atheistic views.

And here I am talking about angels and devils, how ironic.

How do you win in a chess if you show your intentions right away?

If your opponent already knows what you're up to, how can you go around it and win? It might seem real foolish, especially since the intentions were purposefully set forth in an obvious manner, just so they would be known.

Well what if the other option may allow you to play the game with small chances of victory but the looming threat that you would forever stay as just a chess mate to your opponent? Nothing more than someone who he/she plays chess with occasionally (or not)?

Maybe the read on the situation wasn't clear enough to realize one option heavily outweighs the other, but at the same time, availability heuristics has clouded judgement and who is to blame since heuristics is always our first course of action, even though it is often bias and incorrect, as compared to algorithms?

Is it even possible to base one's thinking and decision making purely on algorithms?

When dreams are so sweet that you regret waking up.

I guess that's the beauty of fantasy. I've always dreamed far and wide in my nightly adventures, while they often involve twisted realities, they've never seem to make me regret waking up.

Until today.

Somehow it hurts more to know that whatever just happened in the dreams will not come true, and hurts even worse to realize the reason for dreaming for it is because too much thought has been given to it during the waking hours of my life.

Think of the impossible so much, that it comes back and haunt you as a sweet dream. Only for you to wake up with a sense of disappointment and regret.

How cruel can the mind get?

I really need to start on another Kdrama. Just run away from this cruel reality into the world of fantasy where no matter how bad things get, at the end of the day, thanks to consumer demand, director's intentions, there will always be a happy ending. Always.

Some people might see this as running away, and not dealing with the problem. To me, whenever a problem arises, there is only one thing to do.

Deal with it, come up with solutions, do whatever you think you can.

If that fails, run away.

Because one if you hit a wall, try punching it, kicking it, and nothing happens except bloodying your knuckles and knees all you can do is run far from it. No, no climbing it. Run away. Avoid it. If it moves, you move away from its path of purpose.

When reality is seem like a wall in your freaking face, let fantasy embrace. Nothing can go wrong in fantasy that doesn't turn out right. We all need that assurance in our lifes, even if it doesn't exist in reality, we need to believe it exist, somewhere.

Market Failure: Whose fault is it really?

Entering a market without demand is never a wise move. Yet I did it. Should I be surprised that supply was zero? After all, supply would not exist without demand right?

Whatever it is, or was, I've already entered the market, invested in the hardware, and while they could say I didn't lose anything since the hardware is still considered my asset, I know jolly well know that it is a sunk cost that I can never get back.

Will this market ever be alive? I'll never know, but since I already entered the market, and can't pull out in the short run, I guess the only rational thing to do is to try and minimize losses? Or perhaps, revive the market?

How do you revive a market that has no demand? Even though I'm probably, and hopefully the only supplier.

The inability to step into the shoes of others is not a shortcoming.

Its a blessing.

Its adaption so what happens to other people won't affect us in a more innate state.

Ignorance, perhaps, is after all, bliss.