Oh, I just realised I forgot to add the last part to my previous post! No wonder it felt like something was missing and so short.

So I shall continue here.

As I was saying, grduges are but a form of self-defense. It lies within us, it comes naturally, and always trying to be forgiving is hard because it goes against our very own natural instinct.

People often dislike other fellow human being that always seem to bear grudges. To them, remembering such an old event and digging it up to use in situations unfavorable to them is ridicuously cheap.

Because it works.

Then again, while personally I don't really like people who bear grudges either, we often fail to see that sometimes, it is we ourselves that are unable to let go of things. We ostracize them, saying that they suck cause they always bear grudges but in truth, if we were that nice, and forgiving, why ostracize them to begin with?

Its just frustrating to see people who claim to be all good and mighty go against their own idealistic behavior. And what's better is, they often don't know they do that. They assume they have the power of mass majority and are able to carry on. I wonder if they really know, what, in the end, bearing these grudges themselves, will do to them.

Then again, it was never their own fault to begin with. After all, everyone agreed didn't they?

得饶人之，且饶人

Forgiving is something we all need to learn. What we cannot forgive often turns into a grudge. And grudges are not easily solved or settled.

Bearing grudges, is it simply because someone offended you? More often, it is due to the hurt that we believe we cannot let go, absolutely cannot forgive. Because of its hurt on us, we want to hurt the other party just as badly, or in most cases, even more badly.

Grudges hence, are defined as a negative thing that we should not have. We should instead learn to forgive, learn to let go. For they do us no good, but throw us deeper into the wells of darkness. And more sorrow.

Then again, why see grudges as a bad thing? To me, I think they are a form of self-defense mechanism that we were born with. They let us remember how someone or some group of people has once hurt us, and helps us learn the lesson and not get hurt by the exact same people, once again.

源源相报何时了。

But who would willingly risk their own well-being just to be good and gracious? The hurt isn't worth it. We would rather gain another enemy, lose another friend, than keep one that we know deep down we cannot trust.

比上不足，比下有余

珍惜，有时才是最重要的。

My idol looks like jackie chan's son 房祖名 o.0

This is probably the first time, I attended a major exam without knowing beforehand o.0

Chemistry is too stress le luh. Today went for paper one without knowing its paper one today... Die luh~

I don't even want to talk about exams anymore. Pointless. It does not make any difference. Study inelastic subject.

赔了夫人又折兵

I'm loving the night, more than the night.

The serene night. Every sound I hear, is ever sound I want to hear, other than the cars speeding late in the night. And even that, has its own unique frequency, timing, melody.

I think I'm gonna use this lovely time to study. Where no one bothers me, when I bask in my own sanctuary. Its gonna be so much more productive than in the mornings, or the afternoons. So I guess, I won't be defending myself from accusations of a mugger. For I guess, I am one now.

Though there is only one person in this world, I still allow to call me a stalker. You, just you.

不自量力

Explains how things can go wrong. So very the wrong.

Can't seem to finish papers suddenly when the very same papers, I could've done them and had time to check and sleep. Where did my exam fitness go?

Exam's later. Not very confident right now. Always the case with chemistry. But oh well. I guess things will work themselves out.

Not that I deserve anything much better anyways. I guess its a how much effort you sow, how much results you reap kind of thing. Haiz. Live with it I guess. Nothing much I can do now, 4 hours before the exam.

Mi Cheo So. Mong Cho Il. Pa Bo.

Demand and supply. Before anyone thinks that I'm going into some economics lesson, no. I'm not referring to economics. Not strictly at least. Though some of the concepts taught is pretty useful.

This world is governed by demand and supply. Just like many other governing rules. The most basic, applicable to student kind of demand and supply would be exams. Students nowadays are not studying to gain more knowledge. They do not score well in exams with more knowledge. Instead, the way to score in exams, is to understand the demands of the examiner. How he/she is going to set the question, how we are supposed to answer it.

Students seem to be the suppliers. Education nowadays seem more than just about learning. Its about how to meet the requirements of people up there who wants students to learn.

Then again, the only reason why the examiners set exam questions in certain ways in due to demand. Demands of the governments(what they want their students to learn). Demand of the world, what the world wants in people.

Though honestly, how applicable is knowing about bacteria and viruses, how reactions give out or take in heat, calculate compound interest, write argumentative essays, understand how the currency of china affects america in any single one field? Unless you're some hardcore researcher thinking about how to use reactions to burn bacteria to death such that your bank account can earn more money through the interest so you could interest in RenMingBi.

Truth is, most of what we learn today, will not be useful tomorrow. Or the day after. Especially for science subjects.

The world runs on the ability to supply goods and services to the demands. Relationships are no different.

Many a time we see a single person, act, or react differently in front of different people. Some call them hypocrites, some call them bastards/bitches. What they're in factual sense doing is acting according to the demands of the people they're interacting with. And that's perfectly fine actually. In fact its genius.

Why continue to remain proud in front of your boss? Learning how to bow down at times is the correct way to go. Being nicer to people whom we want to impress is perfectly normal too.

Demands are trying to be met everywhere. Even in nature. Organisms adapt to the harsh environment, in which could also be seen as a demand. To get the sun for photosynthesis, trees grows higher and higher, so they could emerge from the canopy. Enjoy the monopoly.

In other words, its those who are able to meet the demands around them who are most sucessful in life. In every aspect of life, if they are able to maintain that in every corresponding aspects of their lifes.

With that being said, right now, I need to meet the demands of the examiner and become a mugger. If I don't adapt fast enough. I'll probably need a coffin. But it ain't working out. So I guess I should start chopping down some wood.

Beautiful girls, all the over the world, I could be chasing but my time would be wasted cause they've got nothing on you baby. They might say hi, and I might say hey, but you shouldn't worry, cause they got nothing on you baby!

Its either I'm damn mean, or I'm damn jealous. For that was a sight, I didn't want to see. I didn't see it coming, and the blow I got was fatal.

Its surprising why I'm still affected.

Ridiculous.

I guess not only organisms mutate. Feelings mutates and adapt to escape killing mechanimsms huh. STOP.

Too much bio. Sorry.

When lost, find a way out.

While it might seem so obvious, we all know after some thinking that that's not necessary the case for people.

Fear creeps upon us as we realised we're lost. We become scared to venture further into the unknown. Being placed outside of our comfort zones are bad enough. The possibility of going even further away is worse.

Many a times, we cry and wait at the spot. Hoping someone'll hear our cries and come to us. Sure we do know that at the end of the day, no one might come. But more often than not it seems that we're willingly to risk starving to death than risk running into more danger.

And so I was just wondering, if YOU are lost, what will YOU do?
(My choice is the first sentence of this post)

Why watching Starcraft replays by pro players are bad for me:

1. When watching, the opportunity cost is not studying. And that's bad. Like, really bad. Because prelims is in 8 days? Yes. And A levels is months away. I need the muggggg. Like totally.

2. When watching, I get the urge to rush to the nearest store and buy a copy so I can play it myself too! Before it gets too late and I'll get owned by everyone in the game already. And that, does not help with my studies either, if I have to resists my urges.

3. I'll disappoint my teachers. Now that's NEVER a good thing. NEVER disappoint someone superior to you, your boss, whatever. Never, unless you have to. Because it'll cost you more than just a lecture. Probably promotion chances too. Yeah.

Conclusion: Starcraft is not doing me justice, but I still want it. Fragile human lifes -.-

Apparently I write like an educator. It seems like the tone, the way I phrase things in my writings, are to teach, to inform to increase the knowledge of the reader. As if I'm explaining things to a toddler.

Then again,

What's wrong with that? Probably it has something to do with too much science-related work that I'm currently involved in, studying for. Like, phrasing of the answers have to be explicit. There's no way you can PRETEND that the examiner knows what you're talking about. Everything we're doing to not to improve our expression of our knowledge, but rather to fulfill the criteria of what the examiner wants of us.

And that's just life. As a student, at least.

Ironically, I don't want to step out to society just as soon as well. Its not like its better in the real world. Not to mention its bad enough in our small well.

The world does not tolerate people who are blunt, straightforward. I am that kind of person, when I want to pass the idea across past, and only beat around the bush when I'm kind of stuck or embarassed. So obviously, leaping out from the well would probably expose me to more elements and cause my death sooner. Which isn't what I'm really keen off.

Solution to that? Learn.

Learn to cover up your emotions, your words. Say only things to people that will benefit you. Say things to only people that will benefit you. I read of this passage in my general paper revision booklet that says "gossip" can be used as a tool. A tool to help you garner relationships with those that one considers desirable to form alliances for the benefit of self.

Hypocrites?

Clever suckers. They'll beat you in promotions and salaries.

Whilst everyone just wants to get up there, thinking that it'll be better with more $$$. We ought to realise one thing.

The higher/powerful you get, the less it takes to bring you down.

Before I dive straight into the example of day-to-day interactions of humans, lets just look at how things works in mother nature.

The biggest, most powerful living organisms on earth are notably the elephant and the whale. Massive in size, enormous power. Yet they are the ones facing the threat of extinction. Whilst an elephants natural defense seems impregnable to most animals, we all know a small mouse can kill it. What's matters is getting past that layer of seemingly impregnable defense. A bullet can easily knock out an elephant with mediocre accuracy.

But it can hardly harm cockroaches, bacteria or viruses. Smallest, deadliest.

Same in society, whilst those high up there are powerful enough to get you unemployed with a snap of a finger. Probably a rumor will kill them just as well. Political leaders, CEOs, ministers. How much effort does it take to spread a rumor nowadays anyways. Facebook, twitter, blogs, speech. In retrospect, looking at minor peons or the rubbish collectors that ensure your dustbins continue to be functional, they don't get sacked because they make mistakes.

They can reprimanded. And they're fine. Scolded, and they can still laugh after work. They're the ones who are the most resilent. But we seem to overlook that point. So would you really want to be up there, clinging on to your position, worrying over when someone will strike you down?

The desire for truth today is getting out of control. Everywhere, everyone, wants to know about it. It is akin to a buried jewel in your carpet. You may walk across, on top of it everyday, as long as you don't feel its presence, you don't mind not knowing its there.

But once you discover that there's a possibly that a jewel might be hidden in your carpet, you would never cease till you find it. Such, is the power of knowledge. No one wants to kept in the dark. No one willingly takes in lies unless they're trying to numb themselves.

Often, we fail to see the efforts it takes to hide the truth in the first place. Human nature has programmed us to always find out the truth, understand the world so as to help ourselves better. But never do us think about why the truth is hidden.

We despise those we hide it from us, those who deprive us of the gem. Only after getting hold of the gem, do we truly understand, why it should be hidden in the first place. Wouldn't it be too late then?