sorry I lied.

Holidays started. Studying needs to begin, but I'm a slacker, who leaves his work undone.

Was still sad over the idea of march holidays and not seeing cyanide for a whole week. But guess not. Maybe I'll still see her on monday. Maybe I will! ^^

Or maybe I won't.

I ain't supposed to be at home now. Supposed to be in Explorations in Ethnicity.

But when I reached there punctually at 7.30am. I realised something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

Everyone were carrying big bulky bags, water bottles, shoebags. Wearing comfortable clothes, shorts, some slippers here and there.

All the while I thought it was just a workshop. Like from 7.30 to 3 kinda workshop.

Apparently its not. Its not even near it. Its 7.30 on saturday to 3 on sunday camp )_(. So when I realised it, plus the fact that the only thing in my bag was one extra set of clothes without any water bottle, slippers, bathing necessities and such...

I guess I decided to be a big bad boy ^^

Now that I go back and read the email. Haha, I realised I didn't open PROGRAMME OUTLINE and IMPORTANT INFO file. LOL. I'm gonna get screwed when I get back to school )_(.


Maybe, it'll be better, if you treat me just like a stranger. Even though you ain't far from it already.

I wonder why, but I just felt that today was a waste of time. The lessons weren't boring, but nevertheless I wasn't listening.

I didn't fall asleep at all(though I did doze off in econs). Cause I slept at 10pm last night. So am I supposed to sleep at 10pm every night so I can remain awake in lessons?

The teacher interns said clear tutorials in the weekends so weekdays we don't have to worry about them and could concentrate on lessons. Maybe I could adopt this system, if I don't have to go on some course this weekend.

The holidays are coming, not looking forward to it. I can't bear not to be in school for a whole week, not seeing cyanide.

Guess I'll have to live with it.

Term progress report out. Econs was (U, U). LOL. Unbelievable, I think I could burn the progress report. Oh well.

And my h2 teachers aren't letting me off easily too. All of them wrote I could have done better. I have the potential to do better. I shouldn't be content with just being there and getting a pass.

And all of it, I knew.

I'm sorry, I'm not fit to be a student. I only scrape by my life based on that brain of mind that never stops running.


How do you decide, when its time to act? Which action to carry out, why?

I sat outside the class, stared at the falling raindrops, wondering i never got bored those water droplets splashing onto the earth.

Had my luxury sleep.

What would have happened if I didn't? I'm trying as hard as I could to rest my body and mind, I want to pay attention in class. All that happens is never ending dreams of cyanide. Nightmares, and more nightmares.

I ain't even sleeping at night. But they still come anyway.

Feeling down and needing a listening ear. Should I trust more people? It ain't fail for the one or two that I trust to forever be avaliable to be there to listen to me. I'm selfish and I don't like it.

Teachers are going to be getting on my case. One by one? Or all that a time? I tried to not sleep in class already. Broke the record when I fell asleep anyway with sweets in my mouth. Luckily I didn't choke to death.

I just, like I knew a few years ago, am not a good student.

To my beloved teachers, I honestly have nothing particular against any of you, I still love you people, I don't wanna see you guys disappointed, so don't expect much of me in the first place.

After all, the only way to never be hurt by anyone or anything, is to seal yourself off to the world. Live in a bottle.

I'm sorry if I made anyone reading this extremely sad.


I just can't. Lie to you. No matter how much I wanted to.

Spamming my blog too much. Didn't even realise this is the 301st post. When it was only 250th when I revived it. Haha.

Basketball was good today. Somehow, when Coach.L is around, I always play better, make good plays and score well.

So I'm happy by that.

But once I reached home I stepped into a forest of danger and now every word says could trigger guns and bullets into my skull. I hated confrontations, didn't like it when I didn't have my leeway.

Don't like to be forced into a corner, even though I can choose to be invisible. I rather come clean and let others shoot me.

I'm such a stupid, foolish person.

Naive, to the max.

Get tired. From running through my mind. Probably won't fall asleep in class all day long. Facing PMS fron toilets too.