Something's Wrong

I don't know why, but there's definitely something wrong and the worse thing is i don't know what is wrong. Even though knowing may not make a difference, its at least good to know the source of troubles... Agreed?

I think its my style that's wrong, it seemed to be changed, i don't seem to be myself anymore, the way i do things are so different now. I used be in solitude for the most of my life and the only place i go to is school and the places that i pass through while going to school. I seldomly go out with anybody unless in a way or other im forced to. But now, i feel like im forced out of this solitude, i try to go out as much as possible, knowing my wallet cannot handle it. I try to make friends as much as possible when i was susposed to be like a random guy to anyone else. You could also say i was Anti-Social.

I used to be someone who was able to assess the immediate situation and react well to it. Someone who was capable enough to be a leader but just lazy to be one, someone people would call 'clever'. And now? I'm just a pathetic fool, only an idiot would call me clever. Used to have people pinning high hopes and never really disappointed them. Now they wouldn't even take a second look or think a second thought about me if you asked them something like 'who do you think can do this, that?'.

I was once someone who was always hopeful, looking on the bright, believing nothing is impossible, only to get hopes dashed and dashed again. And now i'm like a depressed idiot who look at all the negative side of things. When people think how far we can go, i will be thinking when we will stop instead, when people think of the great ambitions, i just sit there and feel that they're idiots. When im actually the real one.

I normally do not practice for anything, just depend on my 'talent' on the thing. And if unfortunately i failed, i won't feel sad either. But now? I practice so much for this snooker compeition some others are still slacking away? Its not like im the weakest in the team. I used to be a slacker and won't mind if someone beat me at something, just take things by my stride. But now, whenever i see someone surpass me in whatever thing, i will try to overtake he/her. I don't know why, its just so unlike me.

I now confess and tell truth so much i can't believe it is myself talking. I mean, i used to lie to everyone and myself, live in my own world and current affairs is like a F9 subject if it is ever tested. I used to give excuses to every action of mine although sometimes its the real reason. I used to tell teachers that i stole the girlfriend of my opponent if i ever got in a fight, and now? Well, i do not wish to comment more. Seriously... i don't know if this has gotten better or worse. The old schemer is now like a sitting duck.