Finally, Finally.

I think i finally realised what went wrong, what really changed things around me, what makes me so different from before... What makes me try so hard at times, and yet never try at all sometime. What was really wrong?

I reflected and i think i got the answer now, and which is so simple, wondered why i didn't realise it sooner, isn't it all the laws of the world? Everything in this mortal world can be measured to a certain extent by this er, reason, i shall put as. But it isn't really a reason anyway, maybe it was all along inside me, but i just didn't meet the circumstances to force it to be released.

The answer to this question that has been troubling me for like months has finally been found. It was all because of love. Okay that's crap. Whatever. The real thing is, what i've been doing all these months, trying to hard to do, is actually... Me trying to gain a reputation. A respectable enough reputation that will allow me to have enough self-confidence. That was what i was aiming all along and yet, yet, i did not realise it. I guess i really got blind. Blinded by everything.

Solitude that i so loved was pushed far behind me, i knew i had to do something. I could not just wait there in the dark and expect something to happen. But even if i really tried, i don't think i could do it, which is exactly the reason why i didn't try. Really sounded like an excuse. Usual optimism vanished into the air because i've learned the reality of life. The cruel true of this wretched world. I could hide myself no longer, especially when i decided to break out of my solitude, it is something i must face, and i took it really hard.

And snooker, haha, crap. The way it turned out. I mean, all those practices, i realised what they were for, to me, to win or lose didn't matter, the reputation that i may gain when i win matters now. Which is the drive that made me go on. The lazy idiot now goes to practices... It's kind of like a miracle. For me that is. And now, did it even matter? I just faced defeat and more defeat. Those people playing in the compeition are not of our standards. Or rather, we are not of their standards. And even the security guards also know me la. They were like, huh? lose arh, see you practice so much still lose... Aiyo... Then today, lose again, huh? lose again arh? you hor, jialet leh, practice so much still lose, dun practice la...

Joke. This whole thing is a joke. I'm concentrating too much on these crappy things. I lost the original purpose for this whole thing. I'm not supposed to get involved in a 'trival' thing like these. I still remembered laughing at the drama people because those stupid scenes and circumstances will never happen to me. HaHa. Retribution.

If we're going to ever be a beach, Things are gonna get crabby.