I feel lonely on an island.
Empty.
Cause I realised I trusted no one. There WAS one person I trusted fully, even though I did keep some things from her, cause I felt that there was no need for her to know and that it would only make things worse.
Hadn't it be a friend that wasn't anywhere near close to me that reminded of what's happening, I wouldn't know, suddenly, out of nowhere, that I'm actually just living in my own world.
My sub-consciousness could actually picture things much worse than what happens in reality. Haha, totally unbelivable, cause I dreamt of all the worst scenarios possible last night when I slept.
First I didn't get a good sleep to begin with because my legs are giving me cramps everywhere. When I finally fell asleep, all I dreamt was bad bad scenarios I never ever wanna be it.
They aren't happening, but my mind's making them up, looking so real, feeling so bad.
Haiz, when your brain's so active 24/7 a day.
Junhao also pointed out that I don't share things. Haha. Maybe I'm just a sensitive fool who thinks that everyone else is a bad guy and that no one is trustable on earth, the closer one is to you, the more potential he/she holds to hurt you.
Draw the line far so that even when someone crosses it, it'll never reach you.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Okay this sucks. Big time.
Why do I always do things that I'll regret later. Why do I see the trap and walk into it. Why why why did I went to do it.
Makes me wonder.
So it ain't awesome, but I ain't hating it either, the answers kind of expected, but it ain't matter.
It takes two hands to clap, so if you have 3... HAHAHAHA.
Gibberish. Sorry.
Anyway, its damn effective to get my mind off things when I'm playing ball. When I'm trying to fly high to block someone, fly high to evade someone, hang in the air so I don't get blocked, attempt to dunk the ball in. Laugh at stupid plays and mistakes and wow at amazing people.
Basketball rocks, cyanide doesn't.
I really really wanna make that dunk before A div starts but I ain't prepared for the necessary training for it to be done )_(. So I'm just gonna see wad I can do, in this one month, without special training, if my jump can really reach there.
Basketball for the win!
Why do I always do things that I'll regret later. Why do I see the trap and walk into it. Why why why did I went to do it.
Makes me wonder.
So it ain't awesome, but I ain't hating it either, the answers kind of expected, but it ain't matter.
It takes two hands to clap, so if you have 3... HAHAHAHA.
Gibberish. Sorry.
Anyway, its damn effective to get my mind off things when I'm playing ball. When I'm trying to fly high to block someone, fly high to evade someone, hang in the air so I don't get blocked, attempt to dunk the ball in. Laugh at stupid plays and mistakes and wow at amazing people.
Basketball rocks, cyanide doesn't.
I really really wanna make that dunk before A div starts but I ain't prepared for the necessary training for it to be done )_(. So I'm just gonna see wad I can do, in this one month, without special training, if my jump can really reach there.
Basketball for the win!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it.
I know I always try to keep mind my language on my blog but it sucks too much. Plus its supposed to be my personal space anyway.
I never ever, knew, I had a fucking goddamned jealous side.
I mean, yea I know I had envy, envious of people who can juggle well both studies and their CCA. Envious of those who can play better than me, envious of those to had awesome girlfriends and such.
BUT JEALOUSY?
fuck?
Just glad that I didn't do anything in the first place. Didn't tried, didn't attempted, didn't stop myself from getting fucking jealous.
Son of a bitch.
Can't stand the way you just look, talk, or behave. To me, you're just a fucking loser whom I don't wanna associate myself with. Fuck off. Cause I wanna punch you in the face if I wouldn't get into trouble and snatch it away.
Fucking fucked.
Not even snsd's voice can calm me down, not even jessica's naengmyeon can make me smile. I just feel so fucking fucked. At myself, for getting jealous in the first place.
Why can't you see~
You belong with me~
I know I always try to keep mind my language on my blog but it sucks too much. Plus its supposed to be my personal space anyway.
I never ever, knew, I had a fucking goddamned jealous side.
I mean, yea I know I had envy, envious of people who can juggle well both studies and their CCA. Envious of those who can play better than me, envious of those to had awesome girlfriends and such.
BUT JEALOUSY?
fuck?
Just glad that I didn't do anything in the first place. Didn't tried, didn't attempted, didn't stop myself from getting fucking jealous.
Son of a bitch.
Can't stand the way you just look, talk, or behave. To me, you're just a fucking loser whom I don't wanna associate myself with. Fuck off. Cause I wanna punch you in the face if I wouldn't get into trouble and snatch it away.
Fucking fucked.
Not even snsd's voice can calm me down, not even jessica's naengmyeon can make me smile. I just feel so fucking fucked. At myself, for getting jealous in the first place.
Why can't you see~
You belong with me~
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I'm supposed to be sad )_(. But I'm not.
I don't know why. It ain't once, but twice. No one's fault, but I just feel numb. School was boring, failing econs test but got a great sleep out of it that resulted in no more dozing off in the later lessons.
Opportunity cost huh?
Going to enjoy my luxury sleep soon. Its great after school! On mon, wed, fri, have training! On tue and thur got luxury sleep.
Life's awesome!
Even if its empty.
I don't know why. It ain't once, but twice. No one's fault, but I just feel numb. School was boring, failing econs test but got a great sleep out of it that resulted in no more dozing off in the later lessons.
Opportunity cost huh?
Going to enjoy my luxury sleep soon. Its great after school! On mon, wed, fri, have training! On tue and thur got luxury sleep.
Life's awesome!
Even if its empty.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Very happy! But it ain't because of cyanide! Now that's rare!!!
Perhaps in this world, you don't have to fulfill your dreams to be happy. Just knowing deep inside that they're within sight, they're worthy to be fought for, they're actually near to be ACHIEVED could give ANYONE lots of satisfaction.
I also realised over the past few posts that my statements might seem to be a little show off.
Not the case man =)
The difference:
Showing off involves intentional passing of information through various means of something that the recipient is unable to fulfill, in an attempt to make them jealous, envious, etc.
Being happy with myself is saying out information through various means of something that others may/may not be able to achieve and still content without knowing if the recipient could do it too. It is more of a sharing the joy of obtaining something than an attempt to make others jealous or envious of you!
So I'm just gonna say, DUNK is within sight ^^
Sounds like showing off right o.0 hehe.
Who cares? They're many people out there who can dunk, and it isn't really that hard if you really are willing to train for me. I have seen people who like SHORTER than me DUNK in my face. All I could do was applaud. Haha. Nothing to jealous about, something to be envious about though.
Anyway, Chemistry test was an epic failure. I tried so hard, mugged everything possible in an effort of 2 hours++. In the end, as I was going through the paper...
Er, Haha. well, I tried )_(
The very same moon we might see
you'll not see it with me.
As the lonely moonlight passes through my windows
I think of the flowery meadows =)
An attempt in poetry making xD
Perhaps in this world, you don't have to fulfill your dreams to be happy. Just knowing deep inside that they're within sight, they're worthy to be fought for, they're actually near to be ACHIEVED could give ANYONE lots of satisfaction.
I also realised over the past few posts that my statements might seem to be a little show off.
Not the case man =)
The difference:
Showing off involves intentional passing of information through various means of something that the recipient is unable to fulfill, in an attempt to make them jealous, envious, etc.
Being happy with myself is saying out information through various means of something that others may/may not be able to achieve and still content without knowing if the recipient could do it too. It is more of a sharing the joy of obtaining something than an attempt to make others jealous or envious of you!
So I'm just gonna say, DUNK is within sight ^^
Sounds like showing off right o.0 hehe.
Who cares? They're many people out there who can dunk, and it isn't really that hard if you really are willing to train for me. I have seen people who like SHORTER than me DUNK in my face. All I could do was applaud. Haha. Nothing to jealous about, something to be envious about though.
Anyway, Chemistry test was an epic failure. I tried so hard, mugged everything possible in an effort of 2 hours++. In the end, as I was going through the paper...
Er, Haha. well, I tried )_(
The very same moon we might see
you'll not see it with me.
As the lonely moonlight passes through my windows
I think of the flowery meadows =)
An attempt in poetry making xD
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Seems like everyday that go by, things are getting harder.
118's costume is pretty well done! I applaud you people ^^. Not that anyone of you might see this... But... Well, I'm just glad for you guys =).
As compared my own class' costume which I am 50% in charge of... Haiz. Just be glad I don't have to troubled why the costume anymore. For now.
Chemistry test tomorrow is more important! Hehe. Looking at things currently, there's a possibility that I might not pass it tomorrow...
And I can't enjoy my luxury sleep today cause its already 6.30pm now~
是玫瑰吗?还是茉莉?我怎不曾想过要去问问你?原来我，有那么多地方不曾了解你。
118's costume is pretty well done! I applaud you people ^^. Not that anyone of you might see this... But... Well, I'm just glad for you guys =).
As compared my own class' costume which I am 50% in charge of... Haiz. Just be glad I don't have to troubled why the costume anymore. For now.
Chemistry test tomorrow is more important! Hehe. Looking at things currently, there's a possibility that I might not pass it tomorrow...
And I can't enjoy my luxury sleep today cause its already 6.30pm now~
是玫瑰吗?还是茉莉?我怎不曾想过要去问问你?原来我，有那么多地方不曾了解你。
Monday, February 22, 2010
Somehow, after all those determination that I relied on to never stop in the midst of a 2.4km run (unless I stopped for leisure's sake, chat, gossip, etc). I stopped today. In my last round. Its just... I don't know, the feeling's just indescribable. Like everything just went crumbling down down down~
And the stitch that forced me to stop, really really hurt. Like never before. I don't even wanna breath cause it hurts when I do. It this what it means by not wanting to take another breath?
I'm intrigued.
Anyway saw pretty lots of J1s wanting to run for Student Leaders(SLs). Well good luck since I know quite a number of them. Hope they're able to cope~ Cause I know it ain't gonna be easy. Hahaha. They'll soon know it too =P.
They say cyanide poisoning is permanent. Well, I guess I'll get to know soon if I dare to venture!
And the stitch that forced me to stop, really really hurt. Like never before. I don't even wanna breath cause it hurts when I do. It this what it means by not wanting to take another breath?
I'm intrigued.
Anyway saw pretty lots of J1s wanting to run for Student Leaders(SLs). Well good luck since I know quite a number of them. Hope they're able to cope~ Cause I know it ain't gonna be easy. Hahaha. They'll soon know it too =P.
They say cyanide poisoning is permanent. Well, I guess I'll get to know soon if I dare to venture!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
I re-remembered why I was so unwillingly to go visiting on Chinese New Year only TODAY.
1st. There're too many adults with too many naggy questions
2nd. Seeing that I don't bother answering them, they don't bother talking to me(so I'm always stoning)
3rd. They always say how much they're impressed by my height(which isn't exactly THAT tall anyway)
4th. They ask if I play basketball, or that its a waste if I don't(which is not the case)
5th. They like to speak with other adults in my face on topics I never ever dreamed of -.-
6th. They speak these topics with a language that my vocabulary in the language do not allow me to comprehend what they're saying.
7th. They gossip so much with my mother that I thought we'll never get to go home.
Yea that's the list. Haha. List of complains on why I don't like to go visiting on CNY. Then again... I get Ang Baos. So is the monetary value sufficient to complement my bitter waste of time in their houses?
Makes me wonder.
1st. There're too many adults with too many naggy questions
2nd. Seeing that I don't bother answering them, they don't bother talking to me(so I'm always stoning)
3rd. They always say how much they're impressed by my height(which isn't exactly THAT tall anyway)
4th. They ask if I play basketball, or that its a waste if I don't(which is not the case)
5th. They like to speak with other adults in my face on topics I never ever dreamed of -.-
6th. They speak these topics with a language that my vocabulary in the language do not allow me to comprehend what they're saying.
7th. They gossip so much with my mother that I thought we'll never get to go home.
Yea that's the list. Haha. List of complains on why I don't like to go visiting on CNY. Then again... I get Ang Baos. So is the monetary value sufficient to complement my bitter waste of time in their houses?
Makes me wonder.
The same 10 people that were in Changi Airport today. Yea, so they went back to Hong Kong already. I'm even less friendly towards them than a few years ago. Feels like I'm having a more and more extreme personality to myself.
Or maybe... Its just that I ain't really that happy since there aren't any big great happy events going near me.
All the new J1 members grumbling about how those push-ups are making their shots into air-ball ones remind me of the time I just started. And for me it was worse. Much much worse.
Back then I thought hey, by one year of THIS kinda of training, I should be able to do them without any difficulty. Haha. Wishful thinking -.-
Training was especially difficult cause I had to run 6 rounds after my 4 during PE as my last period! But astonishingly... The 4 rounds during PE was my record timing EVER. And so was the 6 during training!!!
Haha, damn happy luh~ For like, 2 minutes?
Sadness last while happiness don't. I wonder why...
Things are getting really tough nowadays. Needa pass my chemistry test on wednesday in order for me to be eligible for the college team, need to perform more than what I am doing in order to make in into the college team, need to learn much more for me to be useful and playing when I'm in the college team.
Yea, Mr.Tan was right in saying that its not the results that matters but the process. Its the pass, the dribble, the shot that matters, not whether the ball goes into the basket.
REALLY?
Not from what I heard from the Singapore Slingers guy, he said you can dash as fast as you like, make great passes, but at the end, its zero if the ball doesn't enter the basket...
So I always say. 100% for effort! Haha.
Some people want it all, and I think, I'm one of them.
Or maybe... Its just that I ain't really that happy since there aren't any big great happy events going near me.
All the new J1 members grumbling about how those push-ups are making their shots into air-ball ones remind me of the time I just started. And for me it was worse. Much much worse.
Back then I thought hey, by one year of THIS kinda of training, I should be able to do them without any difficulty. Haha. Wishful thinking -.-
Training was especially difficult cause I had to run 6 rounds after my 4 during PE as my last period! But astonishingly... The 4 rounds during PE was my record timing EVER. And so was the 6 during training!!!
Haha, damn happy luh~ For like, 2 minutes?
Sadness last while happiness don't. I wonder why...
Things are getting really tough nowadays. Needa pass my chemistry test on wednesday in order for me to be eligible for the college team, need to perform more than what I am doing in order to make in into the college team, need to learn much more for me to be useful and playing when I'm in the college team.
Yea, Mr.Tan was right in saying that its not the results that matters but the process. Its the pass, the dribble, the shot that matters, not whether the ball goes into the basket.
REALLY?
Not from what I heard from the Singapore Slingers guy, he said you can dash as fast as you like, make great passes, but at the end, its zero if the ball doesn't enter the basket...
So I always say. 100% for effort! Haha.
Some people want it all, and I think, I'm one of them.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
What if, WHAT IF. The world revolves around you? What would you do? What would happen if you're the best of the best. Without any effort?
Okay wake up.
I have to go for some NE rep thingy tml morning at 7.40am. My friday alarm(set to ring only on fridays at 7.15am) hasn't been set to work for like months already? Oh wells, live the life given )_(
I don't know what to expect everything anymore, I don't know why things are going so out of hand. I don't know why I'm doing things I usually did. I don't know why I'm so lethargic when there's nothing really going on. Maybe I'm running rounds in my dreams. But my stamina still sucks.
After a year of basketball training.
Says a lot huh?
CVD costume thingys are a little~. Thank the innovation, boo the enthusiam. J1s costumes however are awesome ^^ They look nice, attractive and I'm just pure glad that we're being judged in a different category. Or not they might JUST win all the prizes. After the J2s costumes ain't exactly fantastic to be truthful. Of course, including my own class'.
Sleep right wake up tomorrow to unexpected boomz events~ GOODNIGHT TO WHOEVER'S OUT THERE ^^
Okay wake up.
I have to go for some NE rep thingy tml morning at 7.40am. My friday alarm(set to ring only on fridays at 7.15am) hasn't been set to work for like months already? Oh wells, live the life given )_(
I don't know what to expect everything anymore, I don't know why things are going so out of hand. I don't know why I'm doing things I usually did. I don't know why I'm so lethargic when there's nothing really going on. Maybe I'm running rounds in my dreams. But my stamina still sucks.
After a year of basketball training.
Says a lot huh?
CVD costume thingys are a little~. Thank the innovation, boo the enthusiam. J1s costumes however are awesome ^^ They look nice, attractive and I'm just pure glad that we're being judged in a different category. Or not they might JUST win all the prizes. After the J2s costumes ain't exactly fantastic to be truthful. Of course, including my own class'.
Sleep right wake up tomorrow to unexpected boomz events~ GOODNIGHT TO WHOEVER'S OUT THERE ^^
I'm telling you because I care, not because I want to start a fight. I know I'm cruel, I know things aren't going to be the same again. I'm sorry.
End of story.
Got BURNT cause the slingers came to our school today for some drills and such so training started when the big hot sun is out there smiling =).
I realized that I really am human from head to toe. Haha.
I have:
Lust (in adequate amounts)
Pride (abv average amounts)
Wrath (avg amounts)
Sloth (tons of it)
Gluttony (tons of it)
Envy (adequate amounts)
Greed (tons of it)
So I all seven deadly sins of the world and probably would go to hell when I die. Haha awesome )_(
End of story.
Got BURNT cause the slingers came to our school today for some drills and such so training started when the big hot sun is out there smiling =).
I realized that I really am human from head to toe. Haha.
I have:
Lust (in adequate amounts)
Pride (abv average amounts)
Wrath (avg amounts)
Sloth (tons of it)
Gluttony (tons of it)
Envy (adequate amounts)
Greed (tons of it)
So I all seven deadly sins of the world and probably would go to hell when I die. Haha awesome )_(
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Lost $$$ at Mr.Robin's house!!! Hahaha!
In my last attempt to recoup all my losses, when it was a double or nothing... It turned out to be nothing )_( Hahaha. That's the thing with blackjack. You MIGHT already have the mental preparedness to lose $x amount. Then somehow you still can lose $2x. Wth )_(
Oh well. The festive season of Lunar New Year might not be ending anytime soon, but life goes on and tomorrow we're gonna back in school! Lucky tomorrow no Bio tutorial o.0 Haven't do yet xD.
And I still owe Ms Ng homework that I sincerely tried to do but just can't do it -.-
I'll just be thankful that my hardly functioning computer is still functioning. Lol. A little corny there but whatever.
In the past, my brother used to push the blame to me when our computer spoiled, claiming that I either visit malicious sites or R-rated ones. And since its like every half a year before my computer popped up with some problem, I could never escape the blame.
Then now thinking back, to those days where my computer spoiled SO EASILY because there were mutiple users and now where it hasn't spoiled for like don't know how long already when there's only been ONE user(This sentence is so long that if you were to write it in your essay you would get stoned by your english/GP teacher/tutor). I kinda figured out something ^^
Yeah, so my conclusion was!!! I wasn't the one who spoils my computer!!! Because its still functioning. Hehe.
In my last attempt to recoup all my losses, when it was a double or nothing... It turned out to be nothing )_( Hahaha. That's the thing with blackjack. You MIGHT already have the mental preparedness to lose $x amount. Then somehow you still can lose $2x. Wth )_(
Oh well. The festive season of Lunar New Year might not be ending anytime soon, but life goes on and tomorrow we're gonna back in school! Lucky tomorrow no Bio tutorial o.0 Haven't do yet xD.
And I still owe Ms Ng homework that I sincerely tried to do but just can't do it -.-
I'll just be thankful that my hardly functioning computer is still functioning. Lol. A little corny there but whatever.
In the past, my brother used to push the blame to me when our computer spoiled, claiming that I either visit malicious sites or R-rated ones. And since its like every half a year before my computer popped up with some problem, I could never escape the blame.
Then now thinking back, to those days where my computer spoiled SO EASILY because there were mutiple users and now where it hasn't spoiled for like don't know how long already when there's only been ONE user(This sentence is so long that if you were to write it in your essay you would get stoned by your english/GP teacher/tutor). I kinda figured out something ^^
Yeah, so my conclusion was!!! I wasn't the one who spoils my computer!!! Because its still functioning. Hehe.
I thought all those skills that I picked up from OGL might be useful when I go around visiting in Chinese New Year. I guess, in the end, my introvert nature just comes in and make me sit in one corner and stone.
Can you even believe that I'm an introvert -.-?
Haiz.
If 10 people at my house was something big, then what happened today was major. The very same 10 people... In my cousin's condo! That's like around 25 people in total la. 1 long table plus 2 mahjong table to hold all the ingredients and 2 hotpot. Reminds me of the pepper lunch days. Hahahaha.
Yea, that's a nice memory. But just, a memory.
So today's the 16th. Its been one month already. Probably means 30 post since this blog was revived.
Still a little sorry.
Can you even believe that I'm an introvert -.-?
Haiz.
If 10 people at my house was something big, then what happened today was major. The very same 10 people... In my cousin's condo! That's like around 25 people in total la. 1 long table plus 2 mahjong table to hold all the ingredients and 2 hotpot. Reminds me of the pepper lunch days. Hahahaha.
Yea, that's a nice memory. But just, a memory.
So today's the 16th. Its been one month already. Probably means 30 post since this blog was revived.
Still a little sorry.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
My Dad, mum, brother, sister-in-law, sister, brother-in-law, 2nd sister, niece, nephew. And me.
Ten people in my house is such a rare sight.
Since my sister-in-law is pregnant... Maybe 11 people next year? The laughter that was not even heard during reunion dinner yesterday. Haiz.
Have a happy chinese new year.
Ten people in my house is such a rare sight.
Since my sister-in-law is pregnant... Maybe 11 people next year? The laughter that was not even heard during reunion dinner yesterday. Haiz.
Have a happy chinese new year.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I always thought only the head has a mind. Didn't know my heart has one too.
So when they're discussing important matters it would be like...
HEART: Should we?
HEAD : no.
HEART: YES!
And my muscles start moving )_(.
I hold my heart responsible for every single irrational thing that I do. Crap~
The best way to start to the lunar new year... Is by doing maths?
So when they're discussing important matters it would be like...
HEART: Should we?
HEAD : no.
HEART: YES!
And my muscles start moving )_(.
I hold my heart responsible for every single irrational thing that I do. Crap~
The best way to start to the lunar new year... Is by doing maths?
Shall not talk about this morning. Epic fail after Epic fail even though no one saw anything.
Under the same moonlight
Consoling myself without a fight
In the end, what happened was what never begun
Reunion dinner later, maths homework now.
I have a whole V2.5 to catch up. Sianz~ Cause I don't have anyone's solution as the backup answers with me, which means my progress would be largerly limited.
Under the same moonlight
Consoling myself without a fight
In the end, what happened was what never begun
Reunion dinner later, maths homework now.
I have a whole V2.5 to catch up. Sianz~ Cause I don't have anyone's solution as the backup answers with me, which means my progress would be largerly limited.
Cut my hair even though I really didn't want to. Turned out worse than I thought it would too. Sometimes I really wonder, am I the bad, mean guy I often portray myself as?
I cut my hair because my parents wanted me to. 100%. I was unwillingly to step into the barber/salon whatever. I'm always forcing myself to do things I don't want to deep down, just because I don't want others to feel bad.
Would have been feeling extremely happy if not for the hair event. But overall still happy now. Even though the OGL buffet really turned out to be quite !@#$%^&
Just give thanks for it existing to begin with.
MY NIECE AND NEPHEW IS HERE.
Yea sorry. In the midst of me typing. Haha. They're back from the new year =).
Going to ChongPang tml morning is the reason why I'm soooooooooo HAPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYY =))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Going to attend to my cousins from HongKong now =)
I cut my hair because my parents wanted me to. 100%. I was unwillingly to step into the barber/salon whatever. I'm always forcing myself to do things I don't want to deep down, just because I don't want others to feel bad.
Would have been feeling extremely happy if not for the hair event. But overall still happy now. Even though the OGL buffet really turned out to be quite !@#$%^&
Just give thanks for it existing to begin with.
MY NIECE AND NEPHEW IS HERE.
Yea sorry. In the midst of me typing. Haha. They're back from the new year =).
Going to ChongPang tml morning is the reason why I'm soooooooooo HAPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYY =))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Going to attend to my cousins from HongKong now =)
Just woke up from luxury sleep. They're important in life! Haha.
There's OGL buffet tomorrow, I'll be wearing OGL t-shirt tomorrow... Can show off xD
Saw a child playing with a cool fishing rod toy on the way home. Like her trying to fish her dad with the fish ALREADY caught on the rod. Guess she has the small bait hook small fish, small fish hook big fish theory already at that age. Haha.
The dad played along with the whole bus watching them. Cute. What's embarassment when you can give your children love? It's times like these where I think back and wished I hadn't grow up. Still that small little boy who are not afraid of dozen pairs of eyes looking at me. Not afraid to scream and shout whatever thoughts is on my mind without minding what other people think.
So we grew up.
Happier?
More like asking for MORE freedom when we're restricting our OWN freedom because we know what's embarassment. Maybe we would have to turn into parents before we dare to speak out loud in public... Maybe...?
Saw ***** running on the track when I came home. Yes, I don't like him, but I cannot choose to disregard the fact that he's more hardworking than me. I cannot ignore his achievements simply because I don't want to acknowledge them.
I'm forced to open my eyes and realise. I no longer stand where I used to in the past.
Question is,
Will I ever get back there?
There's OGL buffet tomorrow, I'll be wearing OGL t-shirt tomorrow... Can show off xD
Saw a child playing with a cool fishing rod toy on the way home. Like her trying to fish her dad with the fish ALREADY caught on the rod. Guess she has the small bait hook small fish, small fish hook big fish theory already at that age. Haha.
The dad played along with the whole bus watching them. Cute. What's embarassment when you can give your children love? It's times like these where I think back and wished I hadn't grow up. Still that small little boy who are not afraid of dozen pairs of eyes looking at me. Not afraid to scream and shout whatever thoughts is on my mind without minding what other people think.
So we grew up.
Happier?
More like asking for MORE freedom when we're restricting our OWN freedom because we know what's embarassment. Maybe we would have to turn into parents before we dare to speak out loud in public... Maybe...?
Saw ***** running on the track when I came home. Yes, I don't like him, but I cannot choose to disregard the fact that he's more hardworking than me. I cannot ignore his achievements simply because I don't want to acknowledge them.
I'm forced to open my eyes and realise. I no longer stand where I used to in the past.
Question is,
Will I ever get back there?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Yes I wasted my chance. In basketball too. Lost to IJC )_(.
Looking forward to tomorrow. Cause it will be better, I think.
In times of need, we need to set our priorities right. But, what are my priorities??? Perhaps till today I'm still not exactly sure, which is why I keep treading on thin wire.
Anyway got warning from chem tutor already. Fail the next test and give up basketball.
I knew going to OGL has a heavy price to pay.
Apparently, I underestimated the extent.
Perhaps, it really is out of my abilities. Perhaps I really think too highly of myself, just like many people do. Maybe my confidence are built on foundation as solid as air. Perhaps its crumbling now. Maybe I'm going down, down down down~
How would I get up from all these? It ain't gonna take a day, or two. I'm trying, but its not enough. I don't want to face the music, but running away ain't solving the problem. I wanna try to solve the problem, but I'm getting distracted by poisonous stuff like cyanide.
I look up to the skies, wishing for a sign
All I see is the clear blue sky,
All I can do is sigh
I hope for the best.
Looking forward to tomorrow. Cause it will be better, I think.
In times of need, we need to set our priorities right. But, what are my priorities??? Perhaps till today I'm still not exactly sure, which is why I keep treading on thin wire.
Anyway got warning from chem tutor already. Fail the next test and give up basketball.
I knew going to OGL has a heavy price to pay.
Apparently, I underestimated the extent.
Perhaps, it really is out of my abilities. Perhaps I really think too highly of myself, just like many people do. Maybe my confidence are built on foundation as solid as air. Perhaps its crumbling now. Maybe I'm going down, down down down~
How would I get up from all these? It ain't gonna take a day, or two. I'm trying, but its not enough. I don't want to face the music, but running away ain't solving the problem. I wanna try to solve the problem, but I'm getting distracted by poisonous stuff like cyanide.
I look up to the skies, wishing for a sign
All I see is the clear blue sky,
All I can do is sigh
I hope for the best.
Monday, February 08, 2010
Bad romance and poker face is ringing in my mind. Like RINGING. Lol don't know how to describe. Use your imagination. Haha
I pushing away ALL THOUGHTS. Thinking not about you and me but us. What is this man? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Should slap myself awake. And there's sweden uniform to design and make in 48 hours. There's maths lesson to stand for the rest of the week. There's bio homework that I don't know I have but mr robin says i owe him.
There's unknown ECONS & GP essay that I didn't know I have to write until today.
I feel screwed.
Then again, its worth it. Really.
I pushing away ALL THOUGHTS. Thinking not about you and me but us. What is this man? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Should slap myself awake. And there's sweden uniform to design and make in 48 hours. There's maths lesson to stand for the rest of the week. There's bio homework that I don't know I have but mr robin says i owe him.
There's unknown ECONS & GP essay that I didn't know I have to write until today.
I feel screwed.
Then again, its worth it. Really.
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Is happy that he managed to buy his BASKETBALL SHOES and new shirts for the NEW YEAR ^^
Spent quite a lot of money. $104 to be exact. First time spend so much money on MYSELF sia~. Hahahaha. I'm a very nice kid.
Have another $46 to spend on:
Shorts/3-quarters/jeans/bermudas
Sneakers/slippers/flip-flops/sandals
Haha, I'm just trying to be lame. I know they overlap. Whatever.
Its seems like I'm very happy these few days when I look back on my posts. Wrong impression, but harmless. Just want people to know that, I ain't THAT happy. Just that I choose to keep, blog, leave these happy moments instead of those that sadden me.
Like how my middle finger is jammed after it recovered previously from the SAME injury on the SAME finger 2 weeks ago )_(.
Spent quite a lot of money. $104 to be exact. First time spend so much money on MYSELF sia~. Hahahaha. I'm a very nice kid.
Have another $46 to spend on:
Shorts/3-quarters/jeans/bermudas
Sneakers/slippers/flip-flops/sandals
Haha, I'm just trying to be lame. I know they overlap. Whatever.
Its seems like I'm very happy these few days when I look back on my posts. Wrong impression, but harmless. Just want people to know that, I ain't THAT happy. Just that I choose to keep, blog, leave these happy moments instead of those that sadden me.
Like how my middle finger is jammed after it recovered previously from the SAME injury on the SAME finger 2 weeks ago )_(.
Grumble grumble. PLANES are hard )_(
Crap la, how am I supposed to complete the homework!!! Jialat. Then chemistry tutorial, I don't even know where is it even though I seriously want to do it(Cause I listened in hydroxyl lecture, so i probably won't hit the wall in the face like PLANES!)
Still planning to go buy BASKETBALL SHOES later. I seriously need to buy them la. The worn out sole is affecting my performance, my jump and my speed.
Aiya, basketball woes are just tip of the iceberg.
Either way, I'm satisfied! And glad that its so not happening because its so just nice that its so not going to be around. LOL.
Total gibberish, not meant to be understood =)
Crap la, how am I supposed to complete the homework!!! Jialat. Then chemistry tutorial, I don't even know where is it even though I seriously want to do it(Cause I listened in hydroxyl lecture, so i probably won't hit the wall in the face like PLANES!)
Still planning to go buy BASKETBALL SHOES later. I seriously need to buy them la. The worn out sole is affecting my performance, my jump and my speed.
Aiya, basketball woes are just tip of the iceberg.
Either way, I'm satisfied! And glad that its so not happening because its so just nice that its so not going to be around. LOL.
Total gibberish, not meant to be understood =)
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Woke up at 2pm cause I slept at 1.30 last night. Despite that, I still feel damn lethargic. Looks like the previous night of negligible amount of sleep is taking its toll on me.
Headache due to the lack of sleep and it got worse once I stepped into my study room.
Or rather, BEFORE I stepped into my study room.
The damn strong smell of alcohol just fills my nose and I thought I almost fainted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind of loser who can't take alcohol. Neither am I good at drinking. However when Guiness beer(dark stout) explodes in your cupboard and alcohol everywhere on the floor, trust me on one thing.
It really overpowers you.
Wonder how the 2 can of Guiness exploded in my cupboard. Is it in the morning or last night I wouldn't know since i woke up at 2pm )_(. Either way, felt like puking and it just added on to my headache la.
Finishing mopping the floors, my cpu and my modem which were hit but not bothering to open up the cupboard and clean its interiors. I scared I might faint.
I'm going back to being myself and don't be surprised if you start seeing a very dao me. Haha.
Your wish is my command.
So tell me your wish~
Dreams, passion, I want to fulfill them for you. So tell me, cause I'm the genie for you. Yes I love you, so please trust me too and tell me your wish~
Headache due to the lack of sleep and it got worse once I stepped into my study room.
Or rather, BEFORE I stepped into my study room.
The damn strong smell of alcohol just fills my nose and I thought I almost fainted. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind of loser who can't take alcohol. Neither am I good at drinking. However when Guiness beer(dark stout) explodes in your cupboard and alcohol everywhere on the floor, trust me on one thing.
It really overpowers you.
Wonder how the 2 can of Guiness exploded in my cupboard. Is it in the morning or last night I wouldn't know since i woke up at 2pm )_(. Either way, felt like puking and it just added on to my headache la.
Finishing mopping the floors, my cpu and my modem which were hit but not bothering to open up the cupboard and clean its interiors. I scared I might faint.
I'm going back to being myself and don't be surprised if you start seeing a very dao me. Haha.
Your wish is my command.
So tell me your wish~
Dreams, passion, I want to fulfill them for you. So tell me, cause I'm the genie for you. Yes I love you, so please trust me too and tell me your wish~
250th post! LOL. Unbelivable.
Anyway I'm really really tired now but I scared that if I don't write all these now, I might forget them tomorrow! So forget fatigue and come my writing insipirations!
Was really happy since the start of the day EVEN THOUGH I hardly gotten any sleep and the sleep I got was in a crappy position in a land mass approximately a suitcase large without any avaliable space me to turn my body.
What I'm really trying to say is: I started the LONG day without a good rest.
But was happy since morning since I got to experience first hand a few VERY SIGNIFICANT things. Yes, I might feel a little embarassed in the error but what actually happened was that I was all smiles deep down inside =)))).
More interaction = More things to talk = More chances.
NOT TRUE.
Aiya, never mind, not trying to go into specifics. 118 was awesome and the guys are still a little -.- but nevertheless the ladies have been awesome 24/7 since orientation started officially.
I mean, its quite surprising that one of them wanted to dance SNSD more than me, even though she support TaeYeon more.
Jam&Hop was awfully fun and kind of regretted me not participating in it last year. But well, OGL gave me the opportunity this year and I really really enjoyed myself. ChinCha!
The day kind of got worse as it progressed and during the house supper, I kind of dreaded the atmosphere and what I think are thoughts that aren't positive at all, whether it is against someone else or indirectly at me.
I know something's wrong la. I'm not stupid.
Neither are you people -.-
The problem here is therefore the coming clean part. Whoever dares to takes the first step seem to win, but as many have said before, the first step, is the hardest.
Which is probably why I'm fully convinced its going to be a lonely valentine's )_(. Aiya, truth is I saw this coming. BUT HOPE IS SO HARD TO KILL.
Its all going to end tonight anyway. The opportunity is like a spark in the darkness. Catch it, use it, and you're gonna light up your life. Miss it and live in darkness forever.
VERY TIRED NOW. EYELIDS DROOPING. BATHING AND SLEEPING IN 10minutes or so! ARGH.
Anyway I'm really really tired now but I scared that if I don't write all these now, I might forget them tomorrow! So forget fatigue and come my writing insipirations!
Was really happy since the start of the day EVEN THOUGH I hardly gotten any sleep and the sleep I got was in a crappy position in a land mass approximately a suitcase large without any avaliable space me to turn my body.
What I'm really trying to say is: I started the LONG day without a good rest.
But was happy since morning since I got to experience first hand a few VERY SIGNIFICANT things. Yes, I might feel a little embarassed in the error but what actually happened was that I was all smiles deep down inside =)))).
More interaction = More things to talk = More chances.
NOT TRUE.
Aiya, never mind, not trying to go into specifics. 118 was awesome and the guys are still a little -.- but nevertheless the ladies have been awesome 24/7 since orientation started officially.
I mean, its quite surprising that one of them wanted to dance SNSD more than me, even though she support TaeYeon more.
Jam&Hop was awfully fun and kind of regretted me not participating in it last year. But well, OGL gave me the opportunity this year and I really really enjoyed myself. ChinCha!
The day kind of got worse as it progressed and during the house supper, I kind of dreaded the atmosphere and what I think are thoughts that aren't positive at all, whether it is against someone else or indirectly at me.
I know something's wrong la. I'm not stupid.
Neither are you people -.-
The problem here is therefore the coming clean part. Whoever dares to takes the first step seem to win, but as many have said before, the first step, is the hardest.
Which is probably why I'm fully convinced its going to be a lonely valentine's )_(. Aiya, truth is I saw this coming. BUT HOPE IS SO HARD TO KILL.
Its all going to end tonight anyway. The opportunity is like a spark in the darkness. Catch it, use it, and you're gonna light up your life. Miss it and live in darkness forever.
VERY TIRED NOW. EYELIDS DROOPING. BATHING AND SLEEPING IN 10minutes or so! ARGH.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Laughing at my mum secretly now because when I informed her that I was going to stay over at richie's house, she probably let her imagination run wild since I did not specify that it was richie's house and that even if I did, she probably would think that I'm lying anyway. HAHAHA.
Either way, she came into my room, saw a familiar face on my internet browser cause it was on facebook and I don't bother switching browsers just because someone is intruding on my privacy.
Saw BigBird's photo on my wall because she was tagged in some album or something and probably my mum is thinking I'm spending the night at her house and have sex or something. Hahaha, its cute to see how parents get all that worried and cheeky inside when they children are involved in these kind of sensitive issues.
Oh well, can't blame her, she's more of the traditional type who doesn't believe in talking face to face to kids about sex education, so she's like thinking, "ah, he's at that stage already." LOL.
Either that...
Or I think too much.
Which is quite impossible, since I read people like books.
Nevertheless, I find it quite entertaining. HAHAHAH ^^
Either way, she came into my room, saw a familiar face on my internet browser cause it was on facebook and I don't bother switching browsers just because someone is intruding on my privacy.
Saw BigBird's photo on my wall because she was tagged in some album or something and probably my mum is thinking I'm spending the night at her house and have sex or something. Hahaha, its cute to see how parents get all that worried and cheeky inside when they children are involved in these kind of sensitive issues.
Oh well, can't blame her, she's more of the traditional type who doesn't believe in talking face to face to kids about sex education, so she's like thinking, "ah, he's at that stage already." LOL.
Either that...
Or I think too much.
Which is quite impossible, since I read people like books.
Nevertheless, I find it quite entertaining. HAHAHAH ^^
I'm all smiles when you're all smiles =). Why? Its because smiles SPREAD! To anyone and everyone. So SPREAD the smile while you can, before all you can do is frown.
Yeah, I was frowning lots when I returned back to class today. Had a disastrous experience like I had expected it. Dreading the incoming monday...
But we would have to face the music someday(or more specifically, on monday -.-)
Either way, think of the POSITIVE things that made you SMILE today!
MASS DANCE was so entertaining that I probably would sign up for a subscription if it is THIS funny everytime. Haha.
ZHIYONG aka AVATAR. You're cute, don't worry, you made all the Admiralty OGLs' day!
Probably everyone else in the hall too. But lets not go into specifics.
Instead... I should concentrate on how to not make this valentine's a lonely one. Lol. Its, quite ironic once you think about it. I mean, I've lived through 15 years of my life without a date on valentine's and just because i had one for the last two years, I feel kinda empty knowing I'm not going to get one this year )_(
And I'm wondering if the top of the school might think that I'm preying on the freshmen ladies because i wrote that.
Don't worry, I know I would get one. Just satisfied with fantasizing. Haha.
Perhaps that little own world in your own head is the best place cause no one, like NO ONE, could ever get in there without your permission! You can think ALL SORTS of thoughts, curse swear, stare, fantasize, imagine, beg, fly, dunk, score, perform. EVERYTHING.
If what humans had been looking for in the past century was a world that had no boundaries, they are stupid. Because it had always existed ever since the day we were born.
What's significant, is to know the ability to distinguish between the world in your head, and the world your head is in.
Yeah, I was frowning lots when I returned back to class today. Had a disastrous experience like I had expected it. Dreading the incoming monday...
But we would have to face the music someday(or more specifically, on monday -.-)
Either way, think of the POSITIVE things that made you SMILE today!
MASS DANCE was so entertaining that I probably would sign up for a subscription if it is THIS funny everytime. Haha.
ZHIYONG aka AVATAR. You're cute, don't worry, you made all the Admiralty OGLs' day!
Probably everyone else in the hall too. But lets not go into specifics.
Instead... I should concentrate on how to not make this valentine's a lonely one. Lol. Its, quite ironic once you think about it. I mean, I've lived through 15 years of my life without a date on valentine's and just because i had one for the last two years, I feel kinda empty knowing I'm not going to get one this year )_(
And I'm wondering if the top of the school might think that I'm preying on the freshmen ladies because i wrote that.
Don't worry, I know I would get one. Just satisfied with fantasizing. Haha.
Perhaps that little own world in your own head is the best place cause no one, like NO ONE, could ever get in there without your permission! You can think ALL SORTS of thoughts, curse swear, stare, fantasize, imagine, beg, fly, dunk, score, perform. EVERYTHING.
If what humans had been looking for in the past century was a world that had no boundaries, they are stupid. Because it had always existed ever since the day we were born.
What's significant, is to know the ability to distinguish between the world in your head, and the world your head is in.
For tomorrow, all I can say is...
GEE GEE GEE GEE BABY BABY. I'm gonna die in class. No matter how I look at it. Its going to happen.
Haiz, what happens when you don't do your assignments when you're supposed to and instead go to enjoy luxury sleep at 10pm(ytd ONLY).
I guess, sometimes, when you give up, that spark at the end of the tunnel suddenly seems so bright.
Either way, I'm glad that CTG118 is recognised for being a class with many ****-**! Don't dare to say out, in case the top checks my already-dead for years but recently alive blog. I MIGHT just get into trouble. So play safe ^^.
Even though was a little pissed and kinda irritated towards the end of the day, I'm glad, happy that something nice happened! Probably I'm the only who thinks its something significant but well...
A man's junk can be another man's treasure!
And the previous sentence was just to uberly lead you away from what I'm actually thinking. Hehe.
I love playing mind games =P.
Not that there's any player anyway, unless I'm being STALKED!
Maybe I'm too tired from being an OGL since I'm utterly crap EVEN on my blog. Arghhhh. Shall head for my bed soon, despite tomorrow's troubles!
ECONS, MATHS, GP. If I survived, I would live to tell the tale!
If you knew someone said "Leave me alone" when what he/she really wanted was more care and concern, what would you do? Take the extra step forward or leave him/her be?
GEE GEE GEE GEE BABY BABY. I'm gonna die in class. No matter how I look at it. Its going to happen.
Haiz, what happens when you don't do your assignments when you're supposed to and instead go to enjoy luxury sleep at 10pm(ytd ONLY).
I guess, sometimes, when you give up, that spark at the end of the tunnel suddenly seems so bright.
Either way, I'm glad that CTG118 is recognised for being a class with many ****-**! Don't dare to say out, in case the top checks my already-dead for years but recently alive blog. I MIGHT just get into trouble. So play safe ^^.
Even though was a little pissed and kinda irritated towards the end of the day, I'm glad, happy that something nice happened! Probably I'm the only who thinks its something significant but well...
A man's junk can be another man's treasure!
And the previous sentence was just to uberly lead you away from what I'm actually thinking. Hehe.
I love playing mind games =P.
Not that there's any player anyway, unless I'm being STALKED!
Maybe I'm too tired from being an OGL since I'm utterly crap EVEN on my blog. Arghhhh. Shall head for my bed soon, despite tomorrow's troubles!
ECONS, MATHS, GP. If I survived, I would live to tell the tale!
If you knew someone said "Leave me alone" when what he/she really wanted was more care and concern, what would you do? Take the extra step forward or leave him/her be?
Orientation was tiring, but fun, even though i think its more fun for the J1 if they actually want to participate, rather than doing so only when we ask them to. Nevertheless, its their choice if they don't want to fully enjoy orientation, they'll kind of regret it later.
I hate to say this but maths is kind of hopeless. I tried to follow up but without help its really hard! Its not like the sciences where i all need is to drill in concepts by re-reading again and again. Guess i gotta work extra hard when everything's over.
Even though I don't want this to end.
I know, despite myself, that once all this ends, it just ends.
I won't be smiling to myself inside anymore.
Just have to see how everything works out ba.
Is still impressed by wisarut, i never knew he was such a leader. I guess i was really living under a rock, but he's the only person I've seen so far that has this quality
用人不疑疑人不用.
Wants to break through myself and go FOR THE WIN.
Its always fun to imagine how awesome things could get =).
I hate to say this but maths is kind of hopeless. I tried to follow up but without help its really hard! Its not like the sciences where i all need is to drill in concepts by re-reading again and again. Guess i gotta work extra hard when everything's over.
Even though I don't want this to end.
I know, despite myself, that once all this ends, it just ends.
I won't be smiling to myself inside anymore.
Just have to see how everything works out ba.
Is still impressed by wisarut, i never knew he was such a leader. I guess i was really living under a rock, but he's the only person I've seen so far that has this quality
用人不疑疑人不用.
Wants to break through myself and go FOR THE WIN.
Its always fun to imagine how awesome things could get =).
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