Hmmz. Will I face it tomorrow?

Nothing really good will happen if it does happen. But does that mean that I would choose to escape? Maybe, just maybe, I'll have to depend on fate. Just that even if fate lets us meet, even if everything's right. My heart probably refuses to give in.

My brain probably will stop me.

I don't know if its the right thing to do. I don't want to do it. But I have an impulse to just let go. Why hang on to a thinning rope? Perhaps after all this is done... I can open up. I can look at the sky and see how blue is it. Maybe the rain will stop coming down every afternoon.

Haiz.

There was a game plan. A plan with pretty much details even though it wasn't foolproof. There were many variables, unknowns. But it was a reasonable game plan. And it had a fatal flaw.

It involved more than just me.

All I can control is myself. The way I do things, the way I think, the way I speak. I can control no one else but me. I can blackmail, threaten, force, persuade. None of this will work if the opposition strictly does not comply.

And that's what I thought. Only one fatal flaw. I can live with it. Just that the flaw is really lethal when its been exposed before the game plan begun.

Nothing was supposed to happen according to the game plan yet. I was supposed to start when I really can. Not in the midst of these commitments.

Now I don't even need to start it. The opponent just kinda walked over? All those thinking, gone to the drains.

I said I was counting the chips a few months ago. I think I lost them all. Without even going all in. They got confiscated. I have no rights to play the game.


Tomorrow, maybe, I'll know why.