I know you know.

You don't have to say anything. I read behaviour like a psycho. Every look, every carefully chosen word, body language unknown to even you yourself. I read them all.

They gave you away. I applaud though, for the effort. I haven't been wrong.

I'm impressed.

By myself, for holding in everything. For valuing the compeition much more than anyone could imagine. Yeah, the other guys worked hard. They attempted to be better, focused on the game.

But this tournament holds much more significance for me. And I'm not even including the fact that its the first time I've been in an official sports tournament.

My mind knows it.
My body knows it.
My heart knows it.

Its the beginning, and the end. I held back everything for the compeition. And seeing how everything just explodes once its over just tells me how much I've really been holding back.

Yes, its over. We lost, we're done. We're fallen soldiers.

But honorable ones.

My mind, body and heart are suddenly empty. They lost their will to fight alongside with me. I can't concentrate on work. My mind's trying to recover all that has been held back all these time. My body broke down. I'm coughing, sneezing like mad, the very day the compeition ended. My body knows it, that it does not need to hold back anymore. My heart lost all the passion for everything. It just doesn't beat like it used to. Passion, dreams, hopes.

Down the drain.

Like how am I supposed to see a world deprived of my wants?