post 333rd ^^

Haha. Traumatising day? But like always, its things that we go through that makes us think about life more clearly.

Had an unbelivable trip to the Singapore Basketball Centre(SBC) only to realise the friendly game we're there for is at the wrong location. Due to some miscommunication I guess? Haha, even our teacher said its unbelivable that such a thing happened. LOL.

Hmmz o.0? At his age he hasn't experienced such a ridiculous event and I already did ^^ Am I just lucky or what?

Got a SHOCK when I walked out of the shower today. A pair of green eyes were staring at me through the dark(Not exactly but.. you can what I mean?).

First thought: What the !@#$%^& is a cat doing in my house? It wasn't there when I came home?
Second thought: Did my sister bring it back home o.0? But I was the last one to arrive home...
Third thought: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT?

Right. So I called the first person on my mind. Hahahah. Cause her coursework's on cats? I don't know, probably even if its not on cats she still would be the first person on my mind in any event of crisis. Hahahaha.

So suggested solution:
-1st, attempt to CHASE it out of my house(cause it probably climbed through the metal gates of the door or something
-2nd, CARRY IT out in case it might be looking for its parents
-3rd, BRING it to COLLEGE tomorrow and let some kind yjcian ADOPT it.

In case I forgot to mention above, its a STRAY cat that slipped through my door into my house, that was the only possible conclusion I came up with.

So chasing it out of my house is a no no. In my mind I already said no from the second I heard it. I may look like a Chao Ah Beng(CAB) but I'm a pretty nice and kind guy who DO NOT CHASE CATS(or any animals) UNLESS NECESSARY(Other solutions are not avaliable).

So attempt to carry it out... Well I didn't want to touch it at first tried to open my shoebox, lure in it and carry it out or something, but apparently it failed so miserably I had to use my hands. And guess what? The open I turned my back on it, it followed me all the way back into my house -.-

Nice one.

So while finding a suitable container, putting up some newspapers and whatsoever, I tried to hold it in place using my laundry basket. HAHAHA. My parents are so gonna kill me if they knew. While it softly groaned like its damn hungry and pitiful. Too bad I don't really know cats' diet so I'll not risk feeding it human food. Human food contains far too much harmful chemicals for the likes of cats.

So again the nice guy creeped in and I release it from its prison. AND AND AND!!! It actually walked out by itself!!! So all I had to do was to bloody close the wooden door and I'm rid of it.

But a moment of hesitation caused it to just waltz right back in...

FAIL.

So I continue attempting to set up its container so I can naively send it to some nice guy/gal in college tomorrow. And I realised, it just won't stay still, no matter how hard I tried to put in into a container, it would struggle, it would fight to see the light.

dear me.

So I probably did the most cruel thing on earth. Closed my door on it. The very second it went out of the boundaries of my gate. I shut it and my wooden door close. I left a gap for me to check on it later but it gave it no chance of ever returning. How cruel eh?

I'm such a bad guy. Hahaha. Too bad kitty, this place is not meant for you to be at.

Just like how many of us are always not in place, in society and so.

The difference between really putting in effort and not is just so vast.

Really tried: 5 minutes
Didn't really hang on to it: 20 seconds.

Need I say more?

Tell me why. Someone, please. I think I need an ambulance. Cause it hurts while you'll never know.

tell mwme why

I'm a loner, I'm a loner, being sad at love, shredding tears at love.

Some interesting things I saw on facebook ^^

Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.

No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

Guys don't really have final decisions.(HAHAHAHAHA)

A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.(Probably why edward cullen's making us all envious)

Oh well... Why am I reading this in the first place. Kinda self-pity?

Both my shoulders are aching after the afternoon nap yesterday. Wonder what happened, my sleeping posture or the exam stress when writing.

Plus my left knee and right ankle. Right pinky swollen and left middle finger yet to fully recover...

Crap. And the competition starts next next wednesday! )_(

And my stamina's like... Hahahaha.

1 more failed attempt. Oh well, someone/something said TRY HARDER NEXT TIME in my head =).

And and and... I WANNA READ BOOKS. LIKE OMG!!! I have nothing to do, other than msn chats without a functional computer )_(. arghhhhh. I really don't wanna read my notes. Someone lend me a novel or smth!

So... Maybe being oblivious is best? Ignorance is your new best friend? Haha.

I had a bad day. Kinda screwed up my chem paper, had a really upset stomach during training. Felt tired and sad.

Totally different from idealistic after exams mood.

Oh well. Its pretty chaotic down there. Haiz.

Feeling empty cause there's nothing to study. No life mugger, with a big part played by my faulty computer that doesn't allow to play any games. Argh. I'm just feeding myself with msn chats.


To live a life without hope is worse than not living.

Block test is over.

But I don't get the 'exams are over' happy feelings. Sianz.I'm tired and all my tables are filled with block test materials.

Yet I got played out by chemistry. Aiyo, went all in on it and came out bankrupt. Oh well. Life's a bitch. Finally gonna get some excerise later ^^. Haven't touched a basketball for 6 days.

Why am I smiling to myself..?

I need someone to go on a walk with me. Someone I can pour my heart out to. Someone who has a listening ear for endless grumbling and free enough to pei me go walk walk. I need some fresh air, some exercise.

I wouldn't say things are out of hand. But nothing's within my control anymore. Things that I can normally do within my means, I can't now.

Haiz.

Block test sure are stressful, for everyone. Yet I think there'll those who'll survive it. Come out as heroes amongst us. Those that we're going to be looking up to, they, who will be the ones receiving their results on the stage.

Ah whatever.

I'm screwed for tomorrow's maths. Ms Ng's so gonna be disappointed. Oh well. Its my choice.

I'm supposed to be smiling as often as I can. But I no longer can. Smiles that don't have its power originated from the depths of one's heart can't be maintained for long eh? Maybe from the start, I was never meant to be a nice person.

Haiz dammit. It sucks knowing you're gonna go take a paper that you'll fail. Its hitting home.

Guess I'll have to bet everything on my chemistry =). Since biology kinda sucked too )_(. Apparently no one finished their paper la. Haha, as far as I heard. Surely, those geniuses exist. Hahaha.


I'm not the one.

Okay, how many people nowadays are reading vigilantcitizen.com?

Came across it "accidentally". And realise its where all the crap about symbols and devils and lady gaga come from.

First off, I'll make this clear. I agree that the MVs of these artists do have some kind of meaning rather than just the visual effect of the video.

But to hell with the stupid theories that vigilantcitizen.com came up with. It really reflects what our GP tutors in YJ are trying to tell us. We take information in wholesale too easily. We totally believe it and didn't doubt it just because it seemingly quotes sources(which are almost impossible to relate to), has exact pictures of the scenes to prove his/her point, and a really convincing writing style.

We're supposed to be critical thinkers thanks to our singapore education. Whether is it SocialStudies or History in o levels, or our GP in a levels, they all have one clear point that we ought to have. The habit to have a based argument by stating the opposing view.

Luckily, or coincidentally, the recent GP lectures on wholesale information really put me in a sceptic viewpoint when reading the articles.

Go take a look at "hack heaven" by stephen glass. Its so real that I seriously believed it COMPLETELY the first time I read it. In fact, if no one told me its a piece of fiction, I would never have known. Never.

So ah ha, now that I see articles written by vigilantcitizen.com, they kind of twist everything to their way. True, I believed the first article that I saw on lady gaga's bad romance. But subsequence articles that I read on the same website leads me to thinking its all but a fiction.

After all, similar to hack heaven, the appeal factor is there, many people want to read such things. We do not have the ability to analyse things the way they did. Its interesting, captivating, and simply attracts too much attention.

Ask yourself, if you read the articles, did you think twice?

Some coincidental or already plotted happenings as stated in the website, is extrapolated by the author to express his/her point. All the way from mainstream view just to support the article. Since when does a prince that comes in the fairytale rapes the girl in the fairytale? Damn bloody suspicious.

Few things I missed out in the past 2 posts! Hahaha.

On saturday, the day I'm supposed to have short practices of basketball training with Coach.Z, we also didn't manage to play ANY basketball since it was raining )_(. Whats worse was that they suggested playing LAN -.-

So basically we headed to a cyber cafe, played a few round of DOTA which I haven't touched in MONTHS 2 days before my BLOCK TEST. Uber guilty. Didn't do anything about it though. Haha. Living in guilt is sufficient, so didn't replace my studying hours. Haha.

On sunday! Its amazing how many JESSICA are there in this world. First there's SNSD's Jessica Jung ^^. Then there's jessica from yj basketball... And there's jessica from my chinese class, whom I saw today while going up the escalator, and she came down on the opposite one. And most random of all, MY HAIRDRESSER NAME'S JESSICA -.-

It was always on the namecard, just that I didn't bother to look. Butbutbut... What the hell? Hahaha. Epic randomness =P.

I don't know why I'm hiding the $29.90 jacket from my mum, but I'm just don't want her to know cause she'll accuse me of anyhow spending money )_(. But I'm just glad that I spent $30 on MYSELF. Hehehehe. So gonna wear it tml man!


Maybe I've just been simply aging and not been changing.

The hunt for my very own jacket was hard thanks to the 3 digit price tags.

Lowest I saw was like 89.90? Epic expensive. Guess I haven't been around and walking for too long. Not knowing how inflation are hitting us right in the face nowadays. Haha.

And I innocently, naively thought maybe, just maybe $20 will do -.-

But I got a nice-looking one right here in northpoint! When I searched high and low like in J8, in northpoint and ALMOST went to amk hub. But time constraint eh. Hehe.

Gonna wear it tml for my GP paper. Its GP paper tomorrow, but I'm not at home studying but out shopping for 5 solid hours. Oh my god. Haha.

Got a nice haircut too ^^.

RAINY DAY.

Sometimes its awesome, sometimes its not. To some its great, to some its not.

Supposed to be visiting vegetable farm today. Went there and it rained, and rained, and rained -.- So we couldn't really look around. But did saw some interesting plants like MALE PAPAYA TREES ^^

They bore the flowers, the females bear the fruit.

Don't know which teacher tell me flowers, after fertilised, develops into fruits. Throw that knowledge away man.

So never trust whatever knowledge that comes to you 100%. Have the benefit of the doubt.

AND AND AND, I saw the LIVE cotton plant! WITH cotton! Wa uber cute, I mean, its unbelivable that cotton is SERIOUSLY produced by plants la. It feels more like, a silkworm product to me. Haha. Me and my small world )_(.

One more thing. Aloe vera is POISONOUS. I totally never knew that. Only the thin film of yellow sap though, but isn't it AMAZING? Hahaha. Okay sua ku ttm.

Had a simple potting class where they let us plant pandan, etc. Simple plants that you could take care of at home. But to me it kinda raised an issue.

Aren't we taking life too simple? Like, if its wasn't plants(that wouldn't show you its pain immediately), but animals that squirm when you mistreat them, would YOU dare to play around with them?

Kind of reminds me of the mealworms that I picked and the frog I dissected.

Oh well, cyanide told me people die fast if they think too much, I guess I'm dying soon )_(.

Mondays' the start of the block tests so I'll go get a haircut and try to buy a sweater/jacket/hoodie tomorrow =). So no studying too ^^


I'm building a world of magic, cause my real life is tragic.

Happy happy! I'm just damn happy that you actually thought of me!

So did I appear in your dreams? Cause I've always wanted to see you.

Utter crap.

Hehe back to watching DNYBY ^^. Haha, not studying for maths really frees up lotsa time. Oh well, better not fail ANY of my other subjects though xD

Its almost twelve!!! And I just bathed.

Back from a pretty boring session of basketball )_(.

Going back to my bio notes soon =). Or rather =(.

Don't matter, I'll try my best to smile =)))


Strangers might actually be worth more to one than just a friend.

Lost the friendly against River Valley, but still pretty happy.

Though I didn't exactly do well on the rebounds(which im supposed to), the offence was pretty good =). Clocked the longest minutes in a match ever. Probably due to the absence of a stronger teammate.

Nevertheless still happy with myself =).

Just that, haha, by the time the friendly ended at approximately 1pm... Plus lunch and whatnot at Jurong Point(2nd time there -.-, 1st time from JJC friendly)... Its like 3+pm when I reached home!!!

Wa super late, without ANY progress on my work at all(studying). By the time I showered and got ready for bed, its already 4pm )_(. I really need the sleep. Tired plus morning damn early wake up!!!

So when I finally woke up, ate my dinner, want to start on my chemistry. Its 9.30pm already -.-

ONE WHOLE DAY GONE. Sianz~

Gotta buck up man. Start on biology! BACTERIA AND VIRUSES ^^ Here I come =P.


Well, you're the only exception =).

Oh man, why did I stop watching Dou Niu Yao Bu Yao in the past?

Hmmz. Watched half an episode on chn U and suddenly have the urge to continue watching from whichever episode I once stopped at(not that I can rmb). Oh Hebe is pretty ^^

Tomorrow's friendly isn't bothering me, what's bothering me seems to be other trivial things that gets amplified when going through the membranes of my brain or something.

For one, mc's comments on my being jack neo really hit home. Like, wad? Especially significant if, aiya never mind. I just don't feel that way alright. Defame me all you like people. I dare say one thing, I hold true to my feelings. If I love you as a friend, you'll be my friend. So even if you stab me all you want to, I'll care for you when I see you feeling down in my own ways.

Because nowadays, I just can't seem to ignore people(unlike in the past) that makes me feel that they need some moral support, help, love, smile. Wadever, all those positive feelings are flooding me.

Maybe I'm just trying to be a nice guy.

Sorry if that's threatening to you.

ALL morning papers. Is that a good thing o.0?

I'm still shocked at how no one's winning the race. The race has no end-point. Yet everyone foolishly started. How lame.

FUCK?

I tried.

Why did I bother to?

You're screwing things up big time lady. I don't need any sympathy, I'm not showing you any sympathy. I did love you, truly, before.

If you're going to throw every single thing into the sea, I'll help you by burning them up first k?

Now I wonder what the fuck was I thinking when I actually attempted to establish the so-called friendship you wanted to maintain.

My broken heart like a wave
My shaken heart like a wind
My heart vanished like smoke
It can't be removed like a tattoo
I sigh deeply as if a ground is going to cave in
Only dusts are piled up in my mind.

All these for the intro of haru haru )_(. Should go back to SNSD. Maybe their cheerful voices will lift up my mood, instead of letting me emo through all these ballads.

She's poison, she's taboo
Nothing's about her is true
But we fell for it
With our eyes brightly lit
Maybe we're stupid, maybe we're dumb
Maybe we really need, more than just rum
Drown in sorrow, drown in guilt
Learn when we should just stay mute.



I give my sympathy, all that I could afford. For you're sadder without your fort.



Yea, I've been having these uber contradicting thinkings nowadays. First I don't wanna waste my time in school to wait for the friendly. Then I don't wanna waste my time at home doing nothing, so I went back to see the friendly.



I feel that its stupid that I'm doing such things, yet my brains holds no control over my rash feelings. Its kind of great that I have an awesome brain, but damn sad that its negligible when compared to my heart.



Sense tells me to choose the right actions, feelings direct me the opposite way. Split in a dilemna, without any way. I make a silent scream, hoping someone will hear me.



Argh, way too emo nowadays. Blame paramore. LOL.



Partially at least. Taylor swift's probably the other half of the equation. Didn't sleep or doze off at all it today's lessons. Glad about it, proud about it. Didn't override the fact that its still boring.



I ain't playing good basketball these days, and there's a friendly, this wednesday. Against River Valley ^^ Gonna say HI to ShouZan and BiHao! Hahahaha. Probably gonna get owned by BiHao's stature of 193cm. Bloody hell )_(. I'll live anyway =)



Pleased and proud(not to show off) that hurray! I'm in the top 17 list of squad training. One step closer to being in top 12!!! In college team!



Maybe the names are not read out in any particular sequence, but nevertheless I'm still glad that my name was the #8th to be called out ^^.



Its always when I'm extremely emo that specks of good news cheer up my day. Life isn't fair, but it doesn't suck that much. All you would have to do is look at the good things. Don't say there aren't any, say you haven't put in enough effort to realise there was one!



I'm suddenly caring too much for my friends unknowingly, so maybe it ain't just jealously that got activated ^^. Yea, I can't stand by arms in my sleeves nowadays if I know my friends aren't feeling good. But that's hindered by the fact that they aren't willing to tell me if they're facing problems.



So to all my friends(assuming you're reading this, which you probably are not anyway), I wanna be there for you, hear your troubles and smile for you. =)





Maybe I'm just trying to be a nice guy )_(

Its still affecting me. Bloody hell.

Was supposed to study study mug mug! But took long afternoon naps, watched NBA games and WORST OF ALL

Watched transformers )_(.

That's like boomz and 3.5 hours fly by. Oh man. Now I don't feel like studying. Even though I wanna be like a uber mugger and study till 2am or something... I know that'll never happen. I'm too lazy for that to be true.

Life sucks.


And then you feel so low, you can't feel nothin' at all.

I guess I no longer know what to say, how to say. How am I supposed to feel?

Nothing happened.

Exactly why I'm frustrated. I'm threading on a thin line. I don't wanna fall, but it takes too much effort.

Maybe I can just fall and wait for someone to find and rescue me.

sorry I lied.

Holidays started. Studying needs to begin, but I'm a slacker, who leaves his work undone.

Was still sad over the idea of march holidays and not seeing cyanide for a whole week. But guess not. Maybe I'll still see her on monday. Maybe I will! ^^

Or maybe I won't.

I ain't supposed to be at home now. Supposed to be in Explorations in Ethnicity.

But when I reached there punctually at 7.30am. I realised something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

Everyone were carrying big bulky bags, water bottles, shoebags. Wearing comfortable clothes, shorts, some slippers here and there.

All the while I thought it was just a workshop. Like from 7.30 to 3 kinda workshop.

Apparently its not. Its not even near it. Its 7.30 on saturday to 3 on sunday camp )_(. So when I realised it, plus the fact that the only thing in my bag was one extra set of clothes without any water bottle, slippers, bathing necessities and such...

I guess I decided to be a big bad boy ^^

Now that I go back and read the email. Haha, I realised I didn't open PROGRAMME OUTLINE and IMPORTANT INFO file. LOL. I'm gonna get screwed when I get back to school )_(.


Maybe, it'll be better, if you treat me just like a stranger. Even though you ain't far from it already.

I wonder why, but I just felt that today was a waste of time. The lessons weren't boring, but nevertheless I wasn't listening.

I didn't fall asleep at all(though I did doze off in econs). Cause I slept at 10pm last night. So am I supposed to sleep at 10pm every night so I can remain awake in lessons?

The teacher interns said clear tutorials in the weekends so weekdays we don't have to worry about them and could concentrate on lessons. Maybe I could adopt this system, if I don't have to go on some course this weekend.

The holidays are coming, not looking forward to it. I can't bear not to be in school for a whole week, not seeing cyanide.

Guess I'll have to live with it.

Term progress report out. Econs was (U, U). LOL. Unbelievable, I think I could burn the progress report. Oh well.

And my h2 teachers aren't letting me off easily too. All of them wrote I could have done better. I have the potential to do better. I shouldn't be content with just being there and getting a pass.

And all of it, I knew.

I'm sorry, I'm not fit to be a student. I only scrape by my life based on that brain of mind that never stops running.


How do you decide, when its time to act? Which action to carry out, why?

I sat outside the class, stared at the falling raindrops, wondering i never got bored those water droplets splashing onto the earth.

Had my luxury sleep.

What would have happened if I didn't? I'm trying as hard as I could to rest my body and mind, I want to pay attention in class. All that happens is never ending dreams of cyanide. Nightmares, and more nightmares.

I ain't even sleeping at night. But they still come anyway.

Feeling down and needing a listening ear. Should I trust more people? It ain't fail for the one or two that I trust to forever be avaliable to be there to listen to me. I'm selfish and I don't like it.

Teachers are going to be getting on my case. One by one? Or all that a time? I tried to not sleep in class already. Broke the record when I fell asleep anyway with sweets in my mouth. Luckily I didn't choke to death.

I just, like I knew a few years ago, am not a good student.

To my beloved teachers, I honestly have nothing particular against any of you, I still love you people, I don't wanna see you guys disappointed, so don't expect much of me in the first place.

After all, the only way to never be hurt by anyone or anything, is to seal yourself off to the world. Live in a bottle.

I'm sorry if I made anyone reading this extremely sad.


I just can't. Lie to you. No matter how much I wanted to.

Spamming my blog too much. Didn't even realise this is the 301st post. When it was only 250th when I revived it. Haha.

Basketball was good today. Somehow, when Coach.L is around, I always play better, make good plays and score well.

So I'm happy by that.

But once I reached home I stepped into a forest of danger and now every word says could trigger guns and bullets into my skull. I hated confrontations, didn't like it when I didn't have my leeway.

Don't like to be forced into a corner, even though I can choose to be invisible. I rather come clean and let others shoot me.

I'm such a stupid, foolish person.

Naive, to the max.

Get tired. From running through my mind. Probably won't fall asleep in class all day long. Facing PMS fron toilets too.

OMG fuck the sudden realization. Left didn't win. L***s did. Fuck? Now to figure he's left or right

left won.

Chu Wa Hae Yo

HAHAHAHAHA

I guess its really really

not triangular, or square

but at least a pentagon. Haha.

At least my facebook status I held the possiblity to a hexagon. Hahaha.

If cyanide's the central atom, which is not possible since its a functional group(if u take chemistry) and i haven't been through nitriles so i dunno how cyanide group can be the center of the molecule but ANYWAY

If cyanide's the central atom,
This probably would be more than a tetrahedral. Probably a bi-trigonal pyrimidal like I had expected. Hahahaha.

Stay afloat.

Getting down and emotional with people these days.

Well I enjoyed it, not sarcastically, but really, hearing other's point of view, their story, their emotions. I can feel, appreciate and understand. Maybe not THAT much on the understand part. But yea, it gives me a feeling, a motivation to myself that my existence is justified.

Even if its not for myself.

I'll live.

Dealt a huge blow, living with it. Well its my theory to live with it if I can't change it anyway. And I totally hate the fact that I can't change it.

Or can I?

Makes me wonder.

I like the direction things are going so far. Workload large, but invisible, bball making me sad, but still enjoyable.


If I call exactly at the time I said I would, would you pick up?
Your heart sank and so did mine
I wanna know but I don't wanna ask.

I must've been blind. Epic blind.

Oh dear. The possibility occured to me first time when Sam said something about it. But wa. I'm really epic blind these days.

AHHHH~~~~~

You lift me up to the heavens, just to throw me back down to earth. I'm feeling broken, even if there's nothing to break to begin with.

Long long chat with JunHao and Laurel.

It has been long since that happened, and as usual I'm the one doing most of the talking. Haha, great old times. One thing absolutely awesome about growing up is you don't have to worry about going back home when you're out on supper chatting.

Parents know that you're good boys to leave you there.

Lost the friendly, career high of 16 points + 2 free throw(total 18 points). Missed the first 4 free throws though. A little guilty. Haha. But that's high percentage shooting of 8-10 FG. Absolutely awesome when people pass to you and you perform.

How come it rarely happens when I'm in YJ?

Makes me wonder.

And haha JunHao didn't realise I'm talking about cyanide all day long. He actually visited here o.0 That's going to be 3 possible people reading this. But luckily all ones that I could trust, each with individual different information about myself.

If one day they just all come together, maybe they could make an enclopedia on my life. Haha. Great friends =)

If only cyanide was one of them...

Up and Down a roller coaster, Peak and Trough of life.

If there's just ONE thing I'm absolutely sure I didn't do wrong. Its joining basketball in YJC. Some people think its a big change from a relatively ah gua CCA (choir) to a super hiong sports CCA like basketball.

I do agree its a big change.

But a good one.

Friendly game later. NAPFA was awesome. Other than the pull-ups, which was just crap. Probably just an E. Awww screwed

Broke my personal records for 2.4, now standing at 11minutes 14 seconds! ^^ Broke my record for shuttle run thanks to danny's tip, now at 9.7 seconds hehe. And last but not least, broke my record for Standing Broad Jump. 1st A for jump ever, 1st C for 2.4, uber excited ^^

Happy and glee~


Its 2am and I'm cursing your name. Cause I won't get proper sleep with you running through my mind.

So cyanide isn't everything in life to me.

Despair can overule my happiness any time of the day. Sadness can't be described.

Yup we won the friendly, but I lost to myself. I lost to my old self. I never ever won the me in the past. That is I never improved. I can't surpass the old me. I can't get better, stronger, higher.

It hits me like a bullet train, straight in the face. And I barely able to stand it.

Plunge into further abyss with the added on A'level results. Sure ben did awesome, 6th in YJ and everything. Pushing me into a spot where it is inevitable that my parents would use that against me. All I have to do is wait for their nagging.

Yet I'm lagging in my studies. Ms Ng was shocked when she saw me standing like... AGAIN. Yea I haven't been doing my work, haven't been training up to standard. Haven't been the best, or anywhere near it.

Chinese results just suck k. C for chinese.

I need to get up there, such great heights.


Drinking cyanide that I couldn't to fill my empty heart. Yet all it does is harming my body parts.

Nothing much going on in the past few days, so no long long posts. Haha.

The incoming weekend however, would be kind of disastrous. I know this opens up for people to stalk me but I'm still saying it(since 1st: hardly anyone reads this, 2nd: who wanna stalk me?).

Tomorrow, which is the big time friendly against CJ. This time against their full squad. Probably twice as powerful the last time they've been here. NAPFA test on saturday morning, needa nail those speed down, stretch hard, and pull to my max.

Only to have a friendly game in the afternoon.

Hahahaha, I gotta be superman! To survive this weekend that is.

Yea, needa find the hole, get into it, make my presence felt. If I'm just any average guy, then no one would pay attention to my presence, which worsens things for me.

Unless my friends understand that I'm a good sneaky guy that works incredibly well when people don't guard me cause I go behind their backs, find my spot, take the pass, make the shot.

Girls reading this would probably find it boring to the max. Haha. That's cause you ain't reading deep enough.

Maths test is a screwed up one. Probably on the line. Maybe pass on the dot? Or fail with 1 or 2 marks. Doesn't matter. Its been a great day =). And I still managed to get my luxury sleep. Haha. Even though there's GP essay to do )_(

Getting really really distracted in class.

Either I'm thinking of basketball plays all day long in class, or I'm thinking of cyanide. And it comes naturally. I can't stop it. I just listen to the teachers attentively then suddenly, out of nowhere I'm thinking how to defend that idiot who faked me totally off his offense.

Epic randomness, maybe I'm turning into a girl.

Thinking of bball and cyanide all the day long and not paying attention in class )_(

LOL. Fail on attempt to tag ppl on facebook status. Lol. Someone need to teach me. Haha

I know I should've gone for the kill, grab hold of every opportunity possible so I won't regret. But sometimes, I feel that I rather regret.

Weird personality eh?

That's me. Monday's always been awesome, but not this particular one. Other than the usual monday blues everyone suffers, its always cleared when I see things that light up my life. Play the ball game I so loved.

Even kena elbow by chin yang straight in the face I also felt that it was okay. First because we're friends, second because I know he didn't do it on purpose, third cause I understand that bball is a really physical game in which elbows fly.

Chin Yang did not do it on purpose, what if the people in A div did?

Well the good thing is, after taking the whole blow, I recovered in a few seconds. Was fine, no bruises no nothing, good to go.

Maybe, when the same thing happens in compeition I might be lying on a stretcher instead. Maybe on my way to the hospital if the opponents get really mean. Maybe I really cared about my own safety deep down. But on the surface here, I'm willing to risk it.

I am going to be great, awesome, and better.
Self-motivation, self-hypnotising. Haha.
Guess I calmed down a lot from saturday night.

fails chem test by 2 marks )_(