Sometimes, really don't know who to blame. Myself?

Most probably.

But human nature doesn't allow that, or rather, that won't be the first thing we thought up of. Nevertheless, the harm is done. It is sadly irreversible.

Now I'm lost. 感觉非常无助

The hill in front seems too tall to climb, the valley below seems too deep to fall.

So here i am, once again. Lost in the middle of nowhere.

军要臣死，臣不得不死
天要我亡，不得不亡