Sometimes I push especially hard, just so I could learn from them how to reject others nicely.

在每次看完一部戏，一本书，一个结局，总由不得感到莫名的空虚。悲伤？

圆满的终结不应该是快乐的吗？为何我却如此？

童话也好，戏剧也好。他们的结束代表着感性的我，必须要回到现实中。莫名的空虚，可能就是那寂寞，无助的到来。

不喜欢这样的我。可惜，这，真的，就是我。

Arrogance is what lead to men thinking the solar system revolves around the earth. Humility allowed us to realize earth is just but one amongst others, revolving around the sun.

Arrogance can lead even the brightest, to misconceptions. Only with humility, would we understand what lies before us. Yet arrogance is what comes to us first, naturally, without humility.

When then, will we learn?

Maybe being clever is really stupid, and being stupid is really clever.

Is it ego or arrogance? Is it the need to present oneself as an intellectual being that results in really stupid decisions? I guess so.

Intelligence, knowledge of what's coming next. Really there's no need to abuse it to spoil the fun of others and make oneself unlikeable. Everyone just wants to have fun. In such cases, feigning ignorance might be much better off. You don't suffer much, the people around you are happy.

Why then, do we trample over others just to prove ourselves?

It is really in our blood to be compeitive people who always want to prove our existence, our worth, our prowess?

Of course, things pretty much depend on the people you are with. In a group of self-praised, honoured intellects, fools will just get ostracized. Then among the fun-loving people whom does not really care how much another's IQ is, just let go of yourself and be the idiot we always are in our most relaxed and primitive states.

Maybe its not the end yet, but I still want to use the words 'in the end'.

In the end, its back to me again. Me and my dear blog here. For sanctuary it has been, shelter it has provided me. What no one wants to hear can be said here, what no one wants to face can be written here.

Truth is, why do I need a sanctuary in the first place? Is it really reality that pulls me apart from others?

Reality.

Ridiculous Earthly Adventuring Lies I Take Yearly?

Okay that's just crap. Whatever.

Maybe its just that my pace is never the same as others.

Everyone originally walks at their own pace. Some will be faster than you, and you would appear to be far behind. Others will be slower than you, and of course, you appear to be in front all the time. When no one around you has the same pace as you, you find yourself alone. Lonely, in fact.

What happens is we would try to slow down, or speed up, just to get back on track with someone else, side by side, stride by stride. Slowing down or speeding up takes effort. In speeding up, we find ourselves in lack of breath. Unable to continue keeping up. Whilst we have company, and lose loneliness, we also lose our ability to continue walking forward. Slowing down may not require much, but it is more uncomfortable than you actually realize.

Undoubtly, you would start to speed up. Only when you find yourself alone again, would you remember to slow down.

Perhaps that is why it is really important to find someone who has the same pace as you. Marriage partner, best friend, whatever. And perhaps that is why I can't seem to find any.

I knew I was different. Not the outstanding kind, nor the retarded kind. Just different from the normal, which ironically is whatever everybody is trying to do, to differentiate themselves from others.

But when they realize how lonely it is up here at such great heights, they'll understand going back down would be a better choice. After I walk at a stride that no one matches, and is too tired to alter my speed.

Fairytales. I often wonder what they were meant to do.

Trying to let children figure out the morale of the story? That never happens, the adults seem to love spoiling the story.

But anyways, watched the tale of the long hair-ed princess during my chalet! Instead of feeling magical, mystified and all those positive emotions, I felt that reality is far harsher than fairytales could provide.

Bitter? Maybe. Though I have to admit that the simplification of the life in fairytales might be really just to entertain the children.

Personally, the more I watch, the more I wish that the world was so simple. Everything and everyone is so straightforward. Everyone you see only has a basic purpose, and all of their actions are justified by it.

Nevertheless, I just hope that my life could be like a fairytale. Sweet and lovely openings, harsh storyline in the middle, happy endings.

If only life was this simple, I would probably gladly accept my sufferings.

Back from chalet! Its a nice cosy trip to celebrate our graduation from the tedious curriculum. Not exactly the most fun, but definitely one of the those where I spent most time with everyone I wanted to.

Then again, some walls never break down.

Person-to-person, there exists brick walls. For two strangers, the brick wall is complete and untouched. When they first meet and become friends, the first impression, first interaction determines whether the wall is to be heightened by laying more bricks, or knocked down, brick by brick.

Unfortunately, we are unable to knock those bricks from the bottom to topple over the foundation. Instead we have to go through the tedious process of taking off a brick at a time.

What's most irritating about this invisble wall is that while we still can look through it, we have no idea what its current height is. And that is it almost impossible to break down the whole wall. Even between the closest friends we have things we do not tell.

Especially if you're someone like me who believes in not putting all of the eggs in the same basket.

Reservations. They are akin to the margin that we already made on the wall. No way would we allow the wall to be lower than that. Some define it as the comfort zone of relationships. Others just look at it as a form of security.

The worst part is, re-building it is effortless. Breaking it down requires endless effort and time.

Soon enough, I might just develop claustrophobia.

So the end of one the major exams of my life. Not the most important definitely, but nevertheless one that benchmarks and differentiates the men from the boys. Though I might just fall into the category of the boys.

Sometimes I feel that the tests in life don't end. Every obstacle on the path of life seems to be a test. And whilst you can score full marks for a paper, its impossible to perfect a single test in life. Somehow, some way, there are better solution, better ways to do it.

And we never know, until one day we reflect on ourselves.

Then again, what's perfect? I used to think that the lack of flaws, of mistakes, means one is perfect.

The lack of. yea.

The perfect man would never get better, presumably he would never be overtaken. Though he obviously would be robbed of much joy that many don't realise mistakes, flaws bring you.

Being perfect ain't perfect at all. Really.