Sometimes when people disappoint us too much, we become blind to sincerity, and sceptical to everything others put in front of us. We begin to suspect if any good or kind intentions are true, and not hypocritic.

We begin to suspect, the very move itself, as one having an ulterior motive.

Used to being cast aside, one would not enjoy being the center of attention. Similarly, I felt really uncomfortable. Its probably a really kind note, or one intented with motives. But right now, all I think about, is why.

Why the move, why not stay remain as usual. We'll all get used to it someday anyways.

也许我会忘记
也许会更想你
也许以没有也许。

I'm feeling guilty for suspecting. But not enough to let down my guard. The hurt will develop ways to protect himself/herself. I am of no exception.

After all, I'm just a naive, small little person living in this precarious world I've yet to take my first step out to.

The wind up there is constant, the wind around us is not. When you get high enough, you'll stay and remain there.

Habit? Or technique? You will learn it, practice it, and away from others on such great heights.

Marina barrage. Heaven for kite lovers when the sun hangs high, and sanctuary for picture lovers when the moons takes over.

Kite-flying is insipirational. And I can probably already notice that because people kind of always seem to realise many things by flying kites. Not that the fact that "go fly kite" isn't something very positive.

Kites. The way they fly, how you can only see the kite and not the thin thread that holds it. If there was something more appropiate to saying its life hangs upon a thread, I would say kites are the ones to fit that description.

How do we determine the success of a kite flying? Some would consider it good to have it on air in the first place, and others want the altitude that it can achieve. As if the height of the kite represents the skill of the one controlling it.

Sometimes we are found in situations similar to a kite. Where the place we go, how high we go are determined by someone else, and not directly, but though a thin line, invisble to the naked eye. The wind plays a part, like how nature does in each and every of our lifes.

In chinese they say, 天时，地理，人和。

Who's grabbing onto the line of your kite? Who's the one to decide whether to reel you in, or to release you out? How would we know the true purpose? As if reeling us in definitely meant shortening our heights, it might, for all we know, to keep us from falling.

I guess kites have a tinge of ambition to them, to conquer the sky, to get up high.

Just like we humbly do, in our daily lifes.

Life teaches us many things. We learn the ways of life at different stages of our own. In fact, almost as soon as we're born, we are already taught, learn, and used lessons that life teaches us.

A newborn knows nothing of the world. Except for one. Attention grabbing is needed to fulfill his/her wants. No one taught them that. Nature did.

As one grows up, we learn that it doesn't mean we get attention, just because we called out for it. A toddler may scream, yell and shout to get the interest of the people, mainly adults around him/her. But the truth is, when they get ignored, they subconsciously take into account that such methods of attention grabbing does not work all the time. Only when people intimate enough are around would those antics be successful.

And even then, it does not gurantee success.

As life goes on, toddlers grow into immature children. At this stage, they acquired another skill. The ability to detect emotion. The instinct to push buttons only when appropiate. In front of an extremely mad mother, no child would bother asking for toys. For he/she know that it is futile. On the other hand, when mum or dad is all smiles and are having a really good mood, children always seem to pop up from nowhere and cause a hole in the wallet.

Before reaching puberty, the stage of life where rebellious behavior comes in, children learn another important lesson. The significance of effort. How effort directly affects outcomes. They begin to understand that it is not just whining that will get them what they want when their parents are having a good mood. Its how they ask for it. How to ensure that their parents would be "taken in".

While that makes perfect sense, teenagers learn the exact reverse. We begin to comprehend that effort does not equal to results. Just because we hunt, doesn't mean we get fed. Now this is totally different from what has been taught by parents. And teenagers do not hestiate to stick by what they believe it. After all, they found the key to many questions in life this way, by themselves. Why bother believing someone who thinks they're so high up and mighty?

What every single child fails to infer at this point is that whilst they have their own adventures and learn about the world, they do not realise everyone older than them have undergone the exact same thing. They begin to feel powerful with knowledge, without knowing that the very same things they have done, or are going to do, have been done by the one lecturing them.

Even when people reach adulthood, that seems to be a hard habit to kick. We always firmly believes in ourselves, unless or course our self-esteem have been damadged so badly we hardly believe in ourselves anymore.

Sometimes, it is too much consideration of what's going to happen that will be stopping us. Maybe all we need, is a little push, a little rashness, and a whole lot of encouragement.

Life's like that.
If you can't change it, live with it.

寂寞寂寞就好:

我寂寞寂寞就好
這時候誰都別來安慰，擁抱
就讓我一個人去痛到受不了
想到快瘋掉
死不了，就還好

我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用來我回憶裡微笑
我就不相信我會笨到忘不了
賴著不放掉
人本來就寂寞的
借來的都該還掉
我總會把你戒掉

Magicians, that's what they are. How they capture our attention? By simply doing the impossible.

We jolly well know they're tricks of the mind, logic unexplainable. But still, we try to look straight into where they want us to look, and mesmerize us obliviously.

Such, is the stupidity of man.

Another ability of theirs, is to create something out of nothing. No reactants, just products, fascinating regardless of how much we understand that those are all but illusions.

Yeah, magicians they are, creating what is coming to exist without any existing things. I'm impressed, and insulted. Worried, and feaful.

Things aren't gonna get any better from now on.

I don't know how I'll carry on. This feels like the calm before the storm. I thought I had things covered, or at least my very own ass.

Now I feel like I'm naked in the middle of the world's busiest street. This is no longer about myself. I don't even have the right to be sad, because pity would not fall upon me, my pride would not allow it.

And I can't even rejoice openly, for I know, the very same reason I rejoice, is the one that's making the people around me depressed. I guess in the end, I'll just come back here again.

When all else fails, I hope my blog doesn't. It appears to no longer be a want, but a need. Something that I can always afford to lean back on. If the whole world ditches me. At least I have a sanctuary.

Status quo.

It amazes me we like everything to stay the same, stay within our comfort zone and yet at the same time, we're trying to push for changes.

The phrase "Changes for the better" has been one of my favorite ever since I knew of it, but it doesn't explain the irony of the subject.

We want things around us to stay the same. That's definitely felt by everyone in almost all aspects of our life. We want our tables to look the same, tidy or not. We want the people in our lifes to stay the same, friends who we are always comfortable with to remain that way, family matters to stay the same, and not much complications. For one single complication in any part of our lifes irritates us.

Just like how our desk may have been touched, shifted, re-arranged by someone without our knoweledge. Similarly to people, we don't like it if suddenly a best friend got a girlfriend/boyfriend and disappears on us. We feel irritated and probably start using colorful language on him/her.

While all that makes perfect sense, the irony is where we want changes in our lifes. We want to re-organize our desks so that it looks neater, its more conducive and productive. For work or studies. We want to make more friends, friends that are deemed as desirable by the society, either by popularity, wealth or something valuable. We want to be friends with them. We want a lover, a boyfriend/girlfriend, someone we can do things to that we can't for most friends.

So in essence, we want changes in our lifes, for the better. Yet adore the status quo.

According to my english teacher, the term "irony" shouldn't be used here. Because ironies are not solvable, while this actually is. If we even bother to look from another angle.

You may have already got it if you read the above paragraphs carefully with a keen mind. Those changes that we despise, that go against the status quo we enjoy...

Are uncontrolled.

They go without us knowing first-hand, without us exerting our influence on the matter. And we despise it. Instead, changes that we can control, changes that we want to implement are those that we figure out away to do it. Every step are supervised by us, ourself.

Which is why it doesn't make us feel uncomfortable and revolting. People have said that the only constant in this world is change. While I don't disagree with it, I don't think its perfectly true either. So an essence of it is definitely true. And that is the world is always changing because everyone seek changes. Consciously or not. We want them. As a result, the world we live in are full of them.

There probably is no way to stop changes from happening, only how to control them. And I'm still stumbled upon that question and wish to find an answer. Hopefully I will, when I grow out of this protective shell of home and enter the cold, cruel society.

For afterall, all my views are from a naive, protected mind.

Being myself, I've always hated the stagnant. The non-moving, statue-like tempo of things are what I like to avoid.

I always think that life should always be exciting. One event after another. So while we may not have realised it, being in school is pretty much the most fun time in our lifes!

Before you start disagreeing with strong objections, let me ATTEMPT to address the issue.

Firstly, most people think school isn't fun because of 2 main factors.
1: the stress
2: the workload

Now thinking twice, the stress can only get worse when we come out to society. The pressure isn't on us to do well in studies anymore. We need to fulfill our duties. As a child, as a spouse, as a parent, as a worker. Pressure comes in from your work, where your boss demands stuff, deadlines to rush. It enters through relatives, when they ask never-ending questions that you don't want to answer. From your family, where you are supposed to be mature enough to make decisions for the greater good.

Now in school, we all know about the hectic timetables and "impossible" homework amount and scolding from the teachers fussing about us from head to toe. For deadlines, when it comes to revision, we always try to keep up with it, and often fails to do so.

We can afford to. Like, if u missed a little bit everyday of your revision, the last 2 or 3 chapters of the subject might not be covered and revised when you get to the exams, and that's fine if you put your heart into the rest, you'll probably still pass. When we get out of school, that's impossible. The meeting of deadlines determine your employment. Try leaving out the last few pages of your report and you'll probably get to have a nice coffee time with your boss and a request for your resignation letter.

In school, life's exciting. You may have an idea what the teacher is gonna teach, but you don't know the approach he/she is going to take. If lucky, students might even get to play games for the education. If that's not enough, they're plenty of Co-Curricular Activities(CCAs) for you to enjoy what you love.

When you get out of school. Its a whole different case. Unless you're an entreprenuer, which most of us would NOT be, we would need to obey laws of Comparative Advantage(CA) and engage in specialisation. This means that its the same old monotonous task everyday. Its not even like reading different pages of your notes.

In school, when you go for trips, Overseas Community Involvement Programme(OCIP) or something, you get to catch up. The working life is different, you need to finish your work in advance before you take your leave. And we all know how sucky it is to do work before the time needed comes.

So in conclusion, to have an exciting life, where you can gossip about teachers without harm, gossip about other schoolmates without fear of getting fired, enjoy lotsa extra time to play games, school's the best!

If life obeys Hess' Law where if the "Initial" and the "End" is the same, the amount of steps or the kind of steps that is taken don't matter. Would you like your first few steps to be exothermic(Give out heat) or endothermic(Takes in heat)?

The start and the end probably is, and will be the same regardless of how the approach we take in life. Or rather, in any endeavours that we participate in. So would we prefer our first few days of the program to be easy or hard?

As a teacher, or the educator, how would you plan your schedule for your students? Would you like them to experience the hard from day 1 or the easy?

The rationale could probably be majorly divided into the following two:

By beginning with the easy things, easy sums, easy road, we encourage those involved so that when the hard part comes, they knew they were coming, had more or less a mental preparations for the hard parts, and not stop or give up halfway.

In contrary, by starting with the hard, the tough, or some might say "The Impossible", we let the participants experience the hardest, toughest things that they will experience in the program such that when they manage to pass the first test, everything else would seem easier and smooth.

It would be akin to reactants in a mixture trying to overcome the activation energy. Its the hardest, but in the transition state, the only way to go is to become the products. Success is as if a straight road ahead.

The world isn't fair. We knew that from day one when we have envy in our eyes since we were young. Why our friends get to have what we don't. Why they seem to enjoy much more than we have.

It always feels like we're on the short end of the stick. Someone is always better off than us. Whether it is our friends, our neighbours, our siblings even. Funny how we never feel proud when we get the other end of the stick.

I know its unfair, that given the amount of time I spent, and the others on the same thing. I seem to be doing it more efficiently where for the lesser amount of seeds I sow, I seem to have gotten the same, if not more fruits.

I'm kind of guilty about it too. But truthfully

Its all but an illusion.

What you don't see doesn't mean don't happen. The most logical explanation people have came up with, is sowing seeds secretly, while others are enjoying their rest. What they often fail to realise is that, the amount of seeds aren't the only factor is producing fruits. Fertilisers, nutrients, pests, weeds. These things come into play too.

In fact, sowing seeds in itself probably won't give us much fruits. We have to constantly fertilise the soil, remove the weeds and pests. Just because most people like to sow their seeds and assume that they would grow into lovely fruits doesn't mean it will.

Then again, I would like to say that the world is always fair. It is but a matter of how we look at things.

A typical example would be the round coin. Which isn't really round. It is rectangular when we start looking at it from a different perspective.

Life is probably the same. Comparing the same variables would definitely result in one higher than the other. That means one sample is better off than the other. Definitely.

Until you look at other variables.

苦笑

Friends, they are one of the best morale boosters ever in this world, they're the people who we rely on the most, even more than our families, they're the ones who are dependable in the future, in society, in this cruel world.

在家靠家人，在外靠朋友。

But we aren't living in the animes or mangas. Its not like the main character can say "I have my nakama" or "I believe in my friends" and just be invincible, defeating any possible opponent.

In reality, friends aren't everything. We need to live life according to what's happening, not blindly charging through things without a second thought, all the while thinking that when everything fails, there're friends to cushion our fall.

People, you aren't the greatest just because you've got a really good bunch of friends. This world doesn't work that way. Don't charge fearless just because you've got backup. How useful can the backup get? You may seem invincible when its a group against a mere individual, but trying to stand up against the world, it pretty much suicidal.

Its true we can't do without friends. But its also true that its the closest people to you that can hurt you the most. How much are you willing to risk by exposing all of yourself?

We'll learn someday, somethings aren't meant to be that way.