Maybe its not the end yet, but I still want to use the words 'in the end'.

In the end, its back to me again. Me and my dear blog here. For sanctuary it has been, shelter it has provided me. What no one wants to hear can be said here, what no one wants to face can be written here.

Truth is, why do I need a sanctuary in the first place? Is it really reality that pulls me apart from others?

Reality.

Ridiculous Earthly Adventuring Lies I Take Yearly?

Okay that's just crap. Whatever.

Maybe its just that my pace is never the same as others.

Everyone originally walks at their own pace. Some will be faster than you, and you would appear to be far behind. Others will be slower than you, and of course, you appear to be in front all the time. When no one around you has the same pace as you, you find yourself alone. Lonely, in fact.

What happens is we would try to slow down, or speed up, just to get back on track with someone else, side by side, stride by stride. Slowing down or speeding up takes effort. In speeding up, we find ourselves in lack of breath. Unable to continue keeping up. Whilst we have company, and lose loneliness, we also lose our ability to continue walking forward. Slowing down may not require much, but it is more uncomfortable than you actually realize.

Undoubtly, you would start to speed up. Only when you find yourself alone again, would you remember to slow down.

Perhaps that is why it is really important to find someone who has the same pace as you. Marriage partner, best friend, whatever. And perhaps that is why I can't seem to find any.

I knew I was different. Not the outstanding kind, nor the retarded kind. Just different from the normal, which ironically is whatever everybody is trying to do, to differentiate themselves from others.

But when they realize how lonely it is up here at such great heights, they'll understand going back down would be a better choice. After I walk at a stride that no one matches, and is too tired to alter my speed.