I keep thinking how long I can put off coming back here. Yes, it's my sanctuary, it's probably the safest and only place I can go to without much worries in my saddest times. But no matter how hard I try to convince myself. I understand that every single time I come here, is a sign of weakness, is the me in reality unable to cope with the reality around me. So perhaps all this is the maximum I will indulge myself in, for now.