The biggest lie I've ever told myself is that I could freeze my heart. That I could part with my emotions and control them. That I maybe, perhaps, have the slightest chance of not feeling. Its just simply not possible. No matter how hard I try. Sometimes they feel like a gentle Jacuzzi, soothing and not at least threatening. Other times they feel like a wave an amateur surfer would have troubles with. And occasionally, a torrential tsunami. Rendering my control to be nothing but useless.