Clinically depressed:

When you feel sad that the world seems to be happily living ever after and you're the only soul that's suffering.

每个故事都会有一个主人公。这主人公在故事里，是无法被代替的。故事就环绕着他，各个脚色在故事里都没他重要。

要是你能在故事里成了主人公，那有多好？

但如果你只是故事里的一个小小脚色，只能妄想当一次主人公，滋味会是如何呢？

我们都想当主人公，我们都想有个美丽的结局，我们都羡慕主人公在故事里美丽的展出。却忘了主人公，也不只是个脚色？再美丽也都是作家的成果，再感人的情节也不都是作家的构思？再华丽的主人公，也只有作家笔下功夫才展现地出来，也逃不出作家的文笔。

这和其他人物，有何不同呢？

Today, its my birthday again. As a practice, I would return here every year on this day if I can help it. For it means a lot to know, somewhere, someplace, I have a sanctuary whenever I need it =).

Perhaps what I should do is to evaluate myself, what I have gone through the past year, what I've learnt, what I've lost?

To begin with, probably is the most obvious loss of freedom through the service of our nation. probably contrary to many's opinion of me, I don't hate serving the country that much. Yes it has its really bad moments, but honestly I feel proud being in green.

Its hard to uphold what I hold in high esteem as compared to what I see in reality.

The real world has so much grey that the black-and-white world with shallow shades of grey I had in mind no longer applies. Perhaps this is the greatest life lesson I've learnt this past year.

Its no longer possible to uphold everything you believe without compromising.

The year spent I've lost many, yet at the same time gained many friends. Unfortunately the lost are more of the female species whilst the gains are largely, if not all males. But even the closest of brothers have innate restrictions.

The past year have also lacked regular/structured studying. I often wonder how I am going to get back to the studying intensity that my peers are going through now. Will I wither and fall away slowly, till it'll never be back?

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

If I were to make a "new year resolution", it would probably have to be survive my next year without making much enemies!

For the me today will never accept the world today.

Army taught me one thing. Even if you aren't happy, wish that others are, and not that they suffer together with you.

Being human, none of us like to be the only one suffering. Whenever bad things happen to us, we wished that it isn't just only us, but have a friend or someone we know to be there, to suffer with us. It kind of makes us feel better that we're not the only one suffering.

But thinking objectively, isn't such a thinking selfish and irresponsible. What you cannot enjoy, you don't want others to enjoy as well. Really mean isn't it?

Since it happened to me so many times, I've really really learnt how to wish deep down that they enjoy what I cannot have, rather than suffer with me together.

有些事情，看透了，就别再想了。

And you begin to wonder how the others are so strong when you are so weak.

欺骗了全世界，始终骗不过自己。