I feel lonely on an island.
Empty.

Cause I realised I trusted no one. There WAS one person I trusted fully, even though I did keep some things from her, cause I felt that there was no need for her to know and that it would only make things worse.

Hadn't it be a friend that wasn't anywhere near close to me that reminded of what's happening, I wouldn't know, suddenly, out of nowhere, that I'm actually just living in my own world.

My sub-consciousness could actually picture things much worse than what happens in reality. Haha, totally unbelivable, cause I dreamt of all the worst scenarios possible last night when I slept.

First I didn't get a good sleep to begin with because my legs are giving me cramps everywhere. When I finally fell asleep, all I dreamt was bad bad scenarios I never ever wanna be it.

They aren't happening, but my mind's making them up, looking so real, feeling so bad.

Haiz, when your brain's so active 24/7 a day.

Junhao also pointed out that I don't share things. Haha. Maybe I'm just a sensitive fool who thinks that everyone else is a bad guy and that no one is trustable on earth, the closer one is to you, the more potential he/she holds to hurt you.

Draw the line far so that even when someone crosses it, it'll never reach you.

Okay this sucks. Big time.

Why do I always do things that I'll regret later. Why do I see the trap and walk into it. Why why why did I went to do it.

Makes me wonder.

So it ain't awesome, but I ain't hating it either, the answers kind of expected, but it ain't matter.

It takes two hands to clap, so if you have 3... HAHAHAHA.

Gibberish. Sorry.

Anyway, its damn effective to get my mind off things when I'm playing ball. When I'm trying to fly high to block someone, fly high to evade someone, hang in the air so I don't get blocked, attempt to dunk the ball in. Laugh at stupid plays and mistakes and wow at amazing people.

Basketball rocks, cyanide doesn't.

I really really wanna make that dunk before A div starts but I ain't prepared for the necessary training for it to be done )_(. So I'm just gonna see wad I can do, in this one month, without special training, if my jump can really reach there.

Basketball for the win!

And now you arrived home, after long awesome hours, all you can write is " I _an_a _ol_ _our _an_"? I wanna slap your face.

And I went to 'Like' it. Bloody hypocrite.

Fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it.

I know I always try to keep mind my language on my blog but it sucks too much. Plus its supposed to be my personal space anyway.

I never ever, knew, I had a fucking goddamned jealous side.

I mean, yea I know I had envy, envious of people who can juggle well both studies and their CCA. Envious of those who can play better than me, envious of those to had awesome girlfriends and such.

BUT JEALOUSY?

fuck?

Just glad that I didn't do anything in the first place. Didn't tried, didn't attempted, didn't stop myself from getting fucking jealous.

Son of a bitch.

Can't stand the way you just look, talk, or behave. To me, you're just a fucking loser whom I don't wanna associate myself with. Fuck off. Cause I wanna punch you in the face if I wouldn't get into trouble and snatch it away.

Fucking fucked.

Not even snsd's voice can calm me down, not even jessica's naengmyeon can make me smile. I just feel so fucking fucked. At myself, for getting jealous in the first place.

Why can't you see~
You belong with me~

I'm supposed to be sad )_(. But I'm not.

I don't know why. It ain't once, but twice. No one's fault, but I just feel numb. School was boring, failing econs test but got a great sleep out of it that resulted in no more dozing off in the later lessons.

Opportunity cost huh?

Going to enjoy my luxury sleep soon. Its great after school! On mon, wed, fri, have training! On tue and thur got luxury sleep.

Life's awesome!

Even if its empty.

Hah! Cabbed to school )_(

Very happy! But it ain't because of cyanide! Now that's rare!!!

Perhaps in this world, you don't have to fulfill your dreams to be happy. Just knowing deep inside that they're within sight, they're worthy to be fought for, they're actually near to be ACHIEVED could give ANYONE lots of satisfaction.

I also realised over the past few posts that my statements might seem to be a little show off.

Not the case man =)

The difference:
Showing off involves intentional passing of information through various means of something that the recipient is unable to fulfill, in an attempt to make them jealous, envious, etc.

Being happy with myself is saying out information through various means of something that others may/may not be able to achieve and still content without knowing if the recipient could do it too. It is more of a sharing the joy of obtaining something than an attempt to make others jealous or envious of you!

So I'm just gonna say, DUNK is within sight ^^

Sounds like showing off right o.0 hehe.

Who cares? They're many people out there who can dunk, and it isn't really that hard if you really are willing to train for me. I have seen people who like SHORTER than me DUNK in my face. All I could do was applaud. Haha. Nothing to jealous about, something to be envious about though.

Anyway, Chemistry test was an epic failure. I tried so hard, mugged everything possible in an effort of 2 hours++. In the end, as I was going through the paper...

Er, Haha. well, I tried )_(


The very same moon we might see
you'll not see it with me.
As the lonely moonlight passes through my windows
I think of the flowery meadows =)

An attempt in poetry making xD