I'm sure, whichever part of the world you currently live in, you would have seen fallen leaves before. Or rather the motion of how an orange-red leaf glides in the air towards the floor in autumn or a brown leaf swaying its way towards the earth. Unless you live in the desert.

Usually, with a brush of the wind, the slight pressure applied causes the already loose leaf to drop off, its graceful movement through the air sometimes brings lots of sentiments to people, for it is slow, not rushed, graceful and seemingly relaxing.

Have you then, ever seen the wave the very same leaf fall, when it is raining?

Amazingly, at least to me, the water droplets that fall from the sky does not affect the falling of the leaf as much as I thought, or imagined. Instead of getting lop-sided due to the weight of the water droplets, it falls probably just as gracefully.

Either that, or spins non-stop.

I don't know much about rain, but one thing I'm sure of is, the water droplets in one area don't fall all at once. Given that, the leaf should have been hit in different rates at different locations.

Yet it remains aloof and graceful. How?

Why can't we be like the leaf? In life, you have no idea what crap it might throw at you, or hit you with, yet if we are what we are supposed to be, then no matter when the hit, at where, we continue our journey, seemingly undisturbed.

At the same time, if we lop-sided, each and every hit in life would turn us around, make us wonder, and in the long run, just like the leaf that spins in the rain. It never ever gets to stop, has no peace in life, for nothing helps its descend with no drag and eah hit seemcs to just continue spinning it.

Its lovely valentines! One day many believes is for love. To confess your love for the apple of your eye, to get together with what already is, and what will continue to be, a partner.

So writing all of that, and the fact that I'm writing, probably already signals to you that I'm alone, in front of the keyboard on such a lovely night. Its one of those days where you feel surprisingly empty, wanting a void to be filled, yet although you know what should be there, you don't know what you really want there.

Then again, I wouldn't really call this an empty night. Rather, its a night full of thoughts and reflections. Its just like the ones where you lie on your bed, unable to escape from reality and all you do is think. Random thoughts? Or heartaching ones?

They are what appears to be closest to the 'you' you don't want to show others.

Its disturbing though, to realise that no matter how much thinking I do, I arrive at the same conclusion, where I cannot forgive myself instead of trying to blame it upon others.

Really, it makes me wonder at times, if I'm suffering from depression.

Haha.

害怕失去，所以宁愿沉默不语。忍受痛苦，在夜里，自己偷偷哭泣？ 虽然逃跑并不是最好的解决方法，但我们都不能发否认它是最快最简单的方法。

到最后，因为不想失去，而逃避，知道不该逃避而困惑，左右为难。矛盾不宜。

真像电视剧。戏如人生，人生如戏。真实得很呀！

Watching a lot of korean dramas(KDrama) recently. And apparently their catch point, or their appeal factor, is those touching scenes where they want their audience to cry.

Pardon my bluntless and lack of tact in expressing that point. But yea, they want the audience to be as emotionally involved as the characters, with preferably tears overflowing.

Now knowing this point, this "motive" of the producers and KDrama makers, and being the egoistic, arrogant me, I decided I'm above them and are not going to fall for it. So suddenly I find myself rejecting the tears. I hold them back, I suppressing my feelings.

And surprise surprise. I don't feel exactly comfortable.

Now that I think of it, isn't this just like how life is? To standby what we know, what we think is correct, more often than not we need to suppress our feelings. Its happens in our everyday life.

As a student, playtime always appeal to us more. Our heart wants it, our brains say no, we need to study. I bet every student had at least had this struggle a few thousands times in their "career". After all, when we force ourselves to study, good results may be reaped, but at that moment in time, we're unhappy.

In work, many a times we need to look at things objectively and forgo personal feelings. Unfortunately we all know that is not easy to do. It is especially apparent in careers like the police, where law and justice stands before feelings for friends or family.

We should all know how to control our hormones. But the truth is, we feel better when our hormones control us.

Even if its for that short period.

Random. But I just wanted to write it down somewhere.

走进一步，你就退后两步。何时才能让我爱着的你，爱回我？

I think that humans are sometimes really naive. We often think in only one direction. We do action A, and consequence A will happen. Little do we consider consequence B happening.

Over the past few days, I've seen/experienced a few of such incidents that led me into thinking that perhaps, if we think of both consenquence A and B together more oftenly, life would be easier.

First of all, this happened to me personally. And that is shaving. We all know it leads to a neat overall appearance that makes one look presentable. Now here's the problem, whenever we shave, we probably only think of that, Consequence A. Ask yourself, how many times have you thought of carefully shaving because you don't wanna have a cut BEFORE you ever got one?

Probably never. And after the first incident, we'll be careful for the next week or so and fall back into the careless routine.

If every single time we shaved we remembered we might get a cut, which spoils our overall appearance that we wanted to achieve, I think that we probably will get cuts dramatically less often.

Secondly, gambling. Rings a bell?

Gamblers more often than not, place their bets only thinking of winning. Especially gamblers who are already in debt. Instead of understanding that there're two sides to a coin, they gamble only see the one side. Which obviously, doesn't happen as much as they want to.

In my opinion, and its totally a personal opinion, not intended to offend anyone or any organization, I feel that only when you step into a "casino" mentally prepared and calculated the amount you are able to afford to lose will you be able to win. Of course this has no scientific basis whatsoever, but one who plays to only win would sometimes miss out important details and have error in judgement due to the pressure and need of winning.

Oddly, some stress-free players seem to win more. HOWEVER!!! I need to emphasize the point that regardless of whether you go in prepared to lose or not, gambling is still a game of luck, and it cannot be trusted, which overall concludes to me discouraging gambling.

But its the festive season and everyone should have some adequate fun =).

While we shouldn;t be always over-paranoid and suspicious of others, it really doesn't harm to take a little more caution. After all, what we do and think today, influence how we are tomorrow. And yes I believed someone else wrote something like that before, it ain't original but I have no idea who wrote it.