Undeserving Things, Plaguing My World

Guess by now, everyone in PHS already knows, we got a BRONZE
basically, i really felt that it was undeserved... we didn't do very badly
in fact, by a recording of some kind person, we did very well
what caused the BRONZE? i still do not know, but, facts and facts
taking things in my stride has always been my style
this BRONZE broke the custom, i couldn't accept it for 5mins
but seriously this BRONZE wasn't the only thing i didn't deserve
today, i also got back my A-Maths test results, it was a full mark
and frankly speaking, i didn't deserve it, mayb it was jus too easy
but i felt that it was unfair, other people studied, and barely made it
i was getting scolded the night before and didn't do a shit
and c'mon? i got a full mark? it was an unjustified 1, like the BRONZE we had
Maybe time will tell me everything, show me the light
But till that day comes, i will be wandering in this darkness
Looking for you, 1 that i didn't deserve, but thrown into this darkness too.
Im Sorry.

Syf! Its Finally here

Finally after so long of hard practising, the long awaited Syf arrived
arrived so damn early in school today, only to realise some1 was earlier
waited 10 mins before laurel and junhao came and opened the door
every1 was busy, girls were bunning their hair, guys were geling theirs
Derrick, Boon Teck and Xi Tong came up the music to wish us luck
I was there waiting until Her arrived, i had nothing to do
i done everything at home already... Now Her was helping others
i was there looking, admiring Her with my usual distance
She was Beautiful! i can't explain it, She's simply Gorgeous(correct spelling?)
Oh My God! She was an angel right before me
She was there, jus standing, with her gown, her heels
i was amazed, seriously, how can 1 be so beautiful?
went to VCH and saw that another's school... their guys
are wearing the exactly same design as us, black pants, white shirt, yellow tie
and it was gold with honours choir the last syf, so it was quite embrassing
i think i attended singout too many times already
expected a large a large amount of people in the audience
only to be greeted by unless than 200 peoplerelaxed alot of as it was not as stressful
i jus practically ignored the fact that the judges are there
sang our 3 songs, not bad leh, can seriously get the gold we so badly wanted
heard feedback from yangkai though that we might get a silver instead
jus pray hard that wad we get is a gold, the results later released at 6
rejoice with the world, the result we may get, bless the others with the best that they could get

An Idiot Indeed

Since young, i have always thought that i had an abv avg IQ
i always thought that i am clever enough to settle problems myself
but since i always thought that im clever enough
i usually dun ask for other people's help unless necessary
and most of the times its unnecessary and hence, i do it myself
so nobody knows about the problems i face.
i always use avaliable resources to help myself
my brother despises me for that and always claim that im sneaky
1 time in the reflection journal that ms tang called us to do
i wrote about templeton in 'charlotte's web'
i said that he was sneaky, but very resourceful
and ms tang wrote in black ink ' sneaky - using resources to help self '
' resourceful - using resources to help others, completely different! '
how true huh? guess i really am sneaky, my parents still dunno i lost my blazer
they also didn't know that i've saved enough money to buy a new 1
but life proves me wrong, i am just an idiot who thinks he's clever
im jus an idiot, also a genius in getting conned, lied at, insulted
if u have this song please send it to me, for it describes things very well now
this is the chorus:
Wo shi bai chi, ni shi lian ai de tian cai
wo ying gai, shou shang hai
suo yi wo gai zai deng dai
deng ni you yi tian ming bai
wo hui fu cong ni an pai
ni hui fa xian, zai wo qing di dang zhong, wo de chun zai
wo shi bai chi, ye shi bei pian de tian cai
yi ken mai, wo ken mai
dui wo hu shi ze lai
hui zi zhi qu, yan de jing cai
qian de hen kuai, bu ken liu ru gan kai
wooooo~
yi zhi re nai, gao bu dong shui shi zhen tian cai...

He And Her

Im seriously believing im the third person here
i cant believe this, i was so stressed up today in the compeition
i couldn't think, but i could actually think about Her
mayb im really going bonkers, mayb im jus pure weird
but seriously, He is better den me in almost all forms
He is better in studies
He is better in sports
He is more popular
He is a sectional leader
He can spend so much more time with Her den i can
He liked Her 1st
He could mix with people better
He could love Her and shield Her more than me
He has a good loving family
im really outta the picture here
i jus cant something im better than him at
perhaps in terms of height?
im getting hopeless, i wanna carry on
but the casualties may be too large for me to handle
starting a war with him now would seriously cause chaos
it may even cause us the gold that we so badly wanted
i wan peace, i dun wan war, but both He and i r so similar
we may end up giving Her up in the same time
den i pity Her so much, going through so much without a ending
but similarly, i believe that He has the same thinking as me
He would contiune with thinking of the 3 of us in the picture
wadever, or rather, whoever Her chooses, i believe
it will be a well cherished, over the storm relationship
i always thought to myself, was wad He did correct?
is it right to sacrifice the names of 4 girls? just to protect Her?
i thought, and i realised, if it was me, i would do the same
although i will minimise the casualties....
with popularity, comes with transparency
in his urgent need to protect Her, He didn't care so much alr
i praise him for that... i may never be that great...
1 thing that seriously scares me is the fact that how similar we are...
perhaps 1 day, it would all work out... time will tell...

wad turns out to be happy may be sad indeed

Today ms yee moved the alto' to replace sop's
and there Her was, standing right beside me
i looked, ppl laughing, ppl sulking...
i felt sorry, srry for her
srry for her getting teased, laughed at, without doin anything wrong
i must say,ITS ALL MY FAULT, IM SORRY
not for loving u, but for telling the whole world i did
im sorry, i cant speak, though u're jus beside...
i didn't even utter a word to u during the whole practice
im sorry, im so sorry
im remorseful...

mayb it really is a bad day?

well, today after all is a bad day huh...
got scolded for not picking up the phone for like dunno how many times
honestly, i didn't hear the damn phone ring and i got scolded by my brother
he actually called back to asked me wad i wanted to eat... wanna buy back
apparently i didn't pick up the phone for reasons me myself dunno
so after calling dunno how many times, he got angry and when he came back
he scolded me immediately, den asked me where i was, wad i was doing
and apparently i was doing nothing, or something that i couldn't remember
so i said nothing lo... den apparently he was very unhappy with the answer
but seriously wad else could i say? i didnt't even hear the damn phone ring
i am a weird person, when people dun like my answer, i choose not to give any
and so he was more unhappy with me and said i owed him an explanation
began to make critisize me upon everything, even brought up the skipping lesson thing
he said that it was no wonder that mrs janice lim would call back
i must have been that rude to her too... speechless... no comments
stand there for like 30mins, listening and feeling infuriated
i was calm though... that was wad i learn, slow movement, slow heartbeat,calm
but wad i really could not tolerate is, i've been tolerating
my tolerance level is high, being scolded is jus another rice in my plate
i do not get angry too easily, unless the thing really irritates me
unlike wad i always seem, i seriously dun get angry easily, i jus act only
but the thing is, my brother went on to critisizing my friends...
said wad friends will not teach u bad, or not, not call friends...
seriously arh, if that was true, i think that the amount of friends now
would jus be around 30% of the amount of friends i have now
please la! the world is different now, teaching bad is nothing new
resisting the temptation is something new... he jus don't understand
maybe its jus that 17 years known as generation gap
we are on a non-talking term known as u ask i answer -full stop-
while the scolding carries on... i must have did something
something i didn't know i did, but it obviously irritated him
mayb it was jus the silence that i kept throughout the 30mins
all i know was he disappeared into his room and returned with 3 canes
and he jus wacked! he chose the most unpainful part though
he caned the leg... and i jus ran my 2.4 today... arh!
but seriously it wasn't very painful i must say...
physics ma, force divided by surface area = pressure
the same force divided by 4 canes resulting in pressure spread over 4 areas
hence it wasn't very painful, but wad strikes was in the heart
when people insults u, its crappy, 1 of the things that my brother is gd at
but at least, after all the scolding, the 1st thing i did was to get back to books
i wasn't going to risk having fail my test for a person like him...
The day will come, when i surpass him, i jus have to have patience now.

I WILL CARRY ON!
for love i live...

i was filled with such depression, i was filled with such delight

started the day with a typical bad day start, thought today would a bad 1
arrived in school 6.30, hoping to c Her earlier cos the last time she was earlier den me, realised i was too early, er basically because she didn't arrived yet... camped at the stone bench with nicholas den saw He walking out den realised Her might have been there alr, mayb camp wrong place... went in, saw Her, speechless... cant seem to find a topic... hmmz
couldn't hit the high notes at all when we sang 'every1 sang' i think its because no warm ups-miss yee' orders... zzz... was scolded by pamela for not moving... (sorry arh people tall harder to move, later like tower gg to collapse like that, not nice to c)
got scolded in history class when lewis lob the ball and i blocked it
the dear history teacher must have thought that i was playing it
i must clarify that i wasn't playing with it, jus block it so its doesn't roll out
abit feel like being scolded for something i didn't do wrong
den later PE, realised i forgot to bring the attire... so nv change
den 3h ppl was playing with the ball in the parade ground
apparently some idiot kicked the ball so hard that it hit the classroom
and den the ball was 'stucked' in some high place that only i could reach
i went for it,got scolded for playing ball in the parade ground...
feel like being scolded for nothing again, as if im the 1 who kicked it?
ran the 2.4, thought i would fail again as i usually did
i've yet to pass a 2.4 in secondary school yet, dun seem like it when u c me right?
that's why i always emphasize that my face is not trustworthy
but this time, miraclously,i passed, i started panting went i only ran abt 700m
but there was this thought that drove me on, power of love is great
i managed to pass, 15mins... i think that's a fail but at least tcher said pass
felt so happy, felt so much delight, didn't want to tell any1
wanted Her to be the 1st 1 to share this joy, though i know......
i seem to be really causing Her alot of problems, i could sense it
pressure on alot of sides, i can take it, but im jus worried for her
she doesn't deserve it, she didn't fall for me, i did for Her
1st there was this julia loh, den i realised xi tong knew too
dunno who told her because she said it was not Her who told her(confusing man)
den today after school, wanted to eat lunch with lewis they all
den we wait there, saw Her pass by den lewis go shout her name
ask her wanna join us anot, though he jolly well knew the answer
im feeling seriously very sorry, its all my fault, if time could be reversed i wouldn't do this, luckily i realised that He was lying to me(luckily?very funny hor)
He didn't stop loving Her at all, i was the third party
but at least now, she wont be hurt by me, there is He to shield Her
i can't shield Her,she's too far away, but He could, He could
i was relieved, if she is happy with He, i'll be glad for them
after all, He and Her and 2 of the persons who i trusted most...