I once read somewhere that says people should only get into relationships if they are fine living independently, because only in that way, would a partner be value-adding, and not just pure dependence that will damage both parties in the long run.

With regards to that, I daresay I was pretty confident I was ready for one. But now? Not so sure anymore.

Isn't it weird how I felt that being alone was perfectly fine and that any companionship was just a bonus? Its similar to how I wouldn't mind striking the lottery, but I never bothered to buy any lottery tickets. Now that I actually attempted to buy a ticket, not striking the lottery actually makes me feel way worse than if I had never bought it in the first place.

Is it really just the loss of investment that comes back to bite? Or the emotional capital put into it? Personally I don't think so. To me, it feels more like how you look at that lottery ticket, that same one that failed to win you any price money. And think, and pity, and wonder, at all the unfulfilled potential it had. All the price money it could have won, all the happiness you might have been able to buy with that price money. Everything, that never existed in the first place, if one didn't buy the ticket to begin with.

How ironic.