I PASSED!!!!WOOHOOO she did too!!!!

well i arrived at the school very excited...
wah 2nd round, cannot fail
promised myself to do my best and 'prayed'
for Her, we were doing warm ups when ms yee
began writing the names down
in the 1st batch, i saw my name, i saw Her name
can't believe it? its too much of a coincidence
but it was too my advantage isn' it
well, at least that was what i thought
i was standing right beside Her
and its making me even more nervous
joel was my partner this time, he had a weakness
he couldn't sing loud enough, but at least,
he could hit the notes, well i couldn't, im tone deaf
so we began with the bad news of ms yee not playing the piano
instead, they're going to use the cd player
den after 2 minutes of fiddling, they couldn't operate it
so ms yee decided to play the piano after all
everyone was relieved and just when ms yee is about to start
the cd player is working...zzz
that threw me into total nervousness
i couldn't think, at all
i sang wrong notes, everywhere, i screwed up so much
i endured and managed to sing until the bass solo
and i realised something, my legs are shaking....
i cant believe it, its the 1st time in my life
where my legs are shaking, omg?
and coincidencely(however u spell it), the verse was
'my heart was shaken with tears, and horror drifted away'
my god? and then i went out of the music room feeling
so tensed that i just sat there for 2 minutes
thinking wads going to happen next.At this point of time
i seriously believed oh im a goner, but i believe joel is worse
he is paired up with a screwed up senior like me
ms yee decided to only report the results after choir practice
so i had to keep my feeling, put up a brave front
and just contiune with life, siyang was also having a hard time
he came out as hopeless as me, haha
well then i had to wait impatiently for choir practice to end
and finally the results are going to be reported
1st ms yee started with the girls and i sincerely
'prayed' that Her name would be called out
well of her section, i saw ms yee's mouthshape
and hurray! she passed!!!!
now its my turn, and i passed too!
abit puzzled, dunno why leh, like i shouldn't pass 1 leh
the leaders refused to tell me why i passed...zzz
but nvm i dun blame them, a pass is a PASS!!!
now on this day, He told me that He dun like Her anymore
well i mean He told me before but my point is
He now like another girl!!! hmmzzz...
and he refused to tell me who it is...
well at least he gave me some hints and i found out
that there are 5 choices, so the chance of me guessing it correctly
is 20% hmmz, i gonna c who they are on monday and make my guess
well i dun really understand why he dun wan to tell me
in this wretched world of mine
i only trust 7 persons fully and i feel that i could share any secrets
because they are trustworthy enough
and these 7 persons will defitenely not say it out.
well He is 1 of the 7, so its leaves 6
well this 6, 3 are my neighbours but 1 of them is in PHS
so that leaves 4 in PHS, who can spread out the secret, which they wont
well in this 4, only 3 knows He, and this 3, only 2 is in choir
and in this 2, only 1 is a male... so there is totally no reason
why He shouldn't tell me THAT secret...

2nd round, must pass...

later, at 11am, i shall be having the 2nd round auditions
i clearly understand the consequences of failing.
i know that failing is not even suppose to be considered
i know that me failing will cause 4 girls at least
to fail with me, i'll be dragging others down
wad i'm afraid most is that im going to drag Her down
i wish that i wouldn't fail, and that Her would pass
for the best of us, i shall not even get anywhere near Her
only quietly looking, listening
i hope that she can wish me good luck before i go in
i hope that she can be in the same group as me
i hope that she will not fail with me.
that's it.

i pledge from this day forward:
No mapling after the march holidays until june
no dotaing unless some1 asks me to
no deliberate of not doing homework
concentration on studies SYF and Her only

i Shall:
only speak, when spoken to
answer, when asked to
ask, when need to
chat with Her, only when i want to

(everything applies after the march holidays)

Hate And Jealousy

Haiz yesterday i was driven out of the bedroom
because i forgot to close the windows of the bedroom
and unfortuanately it rained... zzz
well then by brother's bed, which was next to the window
got awfully wet, and i was outside playing basketball.
so i got scolded, especially when i arrived at home 7.30
so when my brother left the house, i shifted the mattress
to the study room and placed a very good position
even had a good fan blowing up and down my body
the feeling was damn song...
but for this feeling to be damn song... i HAD to lock the door
because if my brother came in suddenly, the door would
bang so hard on my head i think i would end up
in the damn hospitals... so i decided to lock the door
and then my brother came back as expected
wanted to open the door but couldn't(well it was locked...)
then he knocked on the door and i opened it for him
and he ask me why i locked the door.
it was 12 that time and i had choir at 11 so i didn't want to answer him
i only wanted to sleeeeeeepppp
and then he came in and gave a scolding...
zzzz on wad? on me locking the door
he said wad can be normal people dun wan
wanna be theif for wad, dun like to face the light
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
i felt so infuriated
i have this feeling for at least 1 month already
i have this feeling of trying to win my brother in everything
i dunno if this is hate or jealousy but i jus wanna win
i dun wanna let him look down on me
which i believe he is, cos im still shorter than him
i wanna win him!!!!!
i wanna have a better career than him
i wanna have a better wife than him
i wanna have a better car than him
i wanna have a better house than him
i wanna be better in sports than him
i wanna be better in gaming than him
i wanna be taller than him
i wanna be stronger than him
i wanna win him!!!!!
i can't stand this burning ambition

1 good song about me is this jap song

Syf auditions!

Well yesterday, we had our syf auditions
and unfortunately, i was... er say very sad...
well i wasn't very sad, jus that abit anti that day
and didn't really looked up the whole day
70% of the time looking down. Haiz
30% of the time looking straight.
Haiz. well i was paired with alwyn(did i spell your name wrongly?)
(sry if i did)!
so i was like... ok lo
and miss yee had this habit,
dunno if you'll call it weird, that is to eliminate 1 of us
everytime we took the auditions...
so i was with alwyn and its either he failed or i failed...
very cruel right? aiya used to it le...
well that day i wasn't really concentrating
and kept thinking about some problems...
so i wasn't practising all along... well when i saw everyone
trying so damn hard to pass this audition
i felt that we choir really had good people
especially the sec 3 altos, damn hardworking
heard that they found out where their mistake was
and seriously worked hard on it
but there was this problem that when they tried to do
it by themself it would always be the right note but
when doing it with the other sections it would
always go wrong, hmmz funny huh?
all the while, Her was practising and i didn't had a chance
to really get less den 1m away from Her.
well Her was practising hard too
and i didn't talked to Her
of course! how can i talk to Her if i didn't get less
den 1m away from Her?
well i at least wanted to shake Her hands and wished
Her good luck.
then there i was waiting and waiting for the chance
when i finally gave up, its impossible, I THOUGHT
i just tried to test my faith, and said( to myself)
"if Her is going to be in the same batch as me, i would be serious"
(its up to you to define wad the serious means, i dun care)
well i was in the second batch and i went in immediately
when the 1st batch came out
and then by dunno wth she came in too
i couldn't believe it, i decided to accept it
wished Her good luck before she went to the position
well sang quite well, i believe but alwyn was
obviously better... you would know things about there
and then finished and came out sitting very near Her
wanted to say... eavesdrop on her...
found out that she did quite well(thats wad she said)
and then sat there all the way, as distracted as previously
was called in the 2nd time, have no idea why it is so
but think that i failed already away so mayb this is
the second chance that miss yee graciously decided to give me
but then, unfortunately... lewis SMS me while i was singing
and of course i was distracted and stop singing altogether
i mean, i am not blaming him, it was an accident
but i jus felt that this accident is too much of an co-incident
heaven is trying to play me off.
well went back to the music room for the results
jolly well knowing wad will happen to me
i jus want to know Her result.
well miss yee said that those who failed this 1st round will
come back for the second round on friday on 11am and those who passed come at 12noon
so miss yee said out the names and i heard mine(of course)
and unfortunately heard Her's
Haiz, heaven is trying to play me till i die
now he is even playing with Her
she tried her best, i could c that, i didn't
hence i deserved it, she don't
well i had to give Her a smile when i saw her walking out
well she smiled back i was relieved...
but not for long.
i SMS Her and gave and so call cold joke
this is wad i wrote:
see you on friday, 11am
well she replied:
Haiz.. yup
and i was laughing, i also dunno why but i was jus laughing at the message
well i jus replied Her saying that she really tried her best and not to worry
but she replied this which made me worried:
it doesn't help anymore le.ty for what u've said.u'll sure pass on fri de. :)
now this to me is not a good news at all
it is to me a very sad thing that tells me that she's sad.
hope that she can be better tml when i see her.
Haiz

I've jus recovered from the depression, only to be hit by another 1

WARNING: THIS ARTICLE WILL TAKE UP AT LEAST 10MINS OF YOUR TIME DO NOT ATTEMPT IF YOU DO NOT HAVE THE TIME
so im so so so sry
i've been studying for the whole week just to prepare
for the a maths test
but unfortuantely
i still felt hopeless when i saw the paper.
anw, it was a good day, at least b4 the exam
i finally am less den 10cm away from Her
i finally held Her hand
well, more like shook her hand
but i always kept my distance, sooo well...
and btw, i have to say this
it was meant to be obvious!
i wouldnt giv details if i didnt wan it to be obvious
anyway, i felt a great sense of hopelessness when i saw the paper
and the best thing is, im at ques 2 when 45mins have passed...-_-"
o crap, so its like i can choing 5 ques in 15 mins
wow? im impressed, i didn't believe it, i had to
well den sunday came and a very interesting drama happened
let me specify

characters in the story:
big sis(of my mum): 60
2nd sis(of my mum): 58
3rd sis(of my mum): 57
4th sis(of my mum): 55
my mum : 53
cousin : 33
me : 14
so basically im here with a bunch of aunties
who are going to lao yu shen
hmmhmmhmm
now this drama all happened because of chinese new year
which is exactly the reason why they are gathered
they are gathered to celebrate, which ended up er.. say disgracful
btw... they told me not to tell any1
so i typed it out
1st, this gathering is going to be my 4th sis(of my mum) to pay
so we started with the yu shen of cos...
and den the 3rd sis(of my mum) suggested eating some vegetable
or wadever it was, which was not TOO expensive
BUT very not worth it
its like eating fried egg for $1
you'll get the point.
so my 4th sis(of my mum) was so not happy
that she said this(in hokkien): very bo hua, u want order
u pay urself la!
den i felt a sudden coldness betweem tje 4th sis and the 3rd sis(of my mum)
wah sha si hen zhong!
but then when it comes to eating...
everyone was merry and gay( u know the meaning)
and den....
when it came to the most dramatic part
er.. which is the bill paying...
this innocent er.. say lady who came to collect the bill
was faced with a very embrassing situation
my 2nd sis(of my mum) and the big sis(of my mum) and my cousin
are TRYING TO FIGHT FOR THE BILL
oh omg? den the poor lady was faced with 2 aunties and 1 man trying to stuff 2 $50
notes into her hand... so its kinda embrassing
well, my 4th sis(of my mum) practically sit down and said take hers
referring to my 2nd sis(of my mum)...
so... the poor lady finally decided to take the money from my big sis(of my mum)
and well, everyone had to accept right?
WRONG! after she left, the most dramatic thing
that i have ever seen in real life happened.
my dear cousin walked away! and just before he ran out
he left 2 $50 notes on the table...
so... er.. its like a damn awkward thing.
well, we had to go our separate ways to go home
and still remember the 3rd sis(of my mum)?
she was walking with us AND she said
aiyo hen diu lian leh, ni bu yao gen bia ren jiang
hen pai seh, dou shi da jie la(referring to the big sis(of my mum))
kay kiang, qu fu qian. wo ben lai qiu yi jing ba qian fang hao le
jun pei gai de, mei xiang dao da jie qu gai
zhen si de, xiang le dou jue de paiseh.
and i was like WOW! every1 wants to pay the bill huh
er not my 4th sis(of my mum) la
BECAUSE, my mum said she wanted to pay too
o crap! i cant imagine wad were they thinking man!
OK, episode finish



back to monday, wah monday 8 people from 3h never come leh
record sia, 2i also not that bad b4
and den hor, ss very sian
7 people pass nia, and guess hw much i got? 4/30
cant believe it? me too, accept the facts, face the music
and then when mrs janice lim asked for the chap 2 notes
18 or 19 of us didn't manage to do it
including me, i clean forgotten about it
so she said go out and sit in 2 rows and do them now
seeing the amount of people outside was quite say, funny
20/40 people were outside
12 were inside
8 were absent
crap, how come we can be so siao 1
that will never happen to 3e

and then today haiz, finally saw the a maths paper
die like siao...
study 1 week still fail
1st time in my life leh
study and fail normally is study wont fail
or dun study also wont fail
now is study and den fail...
zzzzzzz
sometimes i seriously wonder how long i can still go on
since last year when i saw the combination result
im been suffering from depression and yet
pretending all the time when im in school or when people who know me is around
having just recovered, i was stroke with another 1
i really feel that i couldn't take it anymore
haiz, yi bo wei ping, yi bo yu qi
haiz, mum nagging again, gtg
i could have write longer if i had the time.

Haiz, finally found the time, i wanted to post this 4 days ago......

4 days ago...
this is IT day that we, the phs pupils hav
its was a whole day of slacking
studying was nearly impossible
espically with the homework social studies
and history teachers gave.
1 word, CRAZY
at least i managed to finish everything except ss
its was not a very gd day to begin with
espicallt when u're alr stuck with the 1st assignment
when i came online.
He asked me whether i wanna go mrs wong's hse
and den wif nothing to do(maple was having server check)
i agreed. i asked Her, but she said she was not interested.
and then He told me that the details are not worked out yet
so later he will come and find me again.
after dunno hw many hours.
He finally told me the details
and being the playful self of me
i invited Her to the conversation
and stupidly asked the same damn ques
though i alr know the answer
Her gave a NO and left the conversation
and He was shy
very very shy
after Her left, He said to me
'look wad u hav done'
lol, and He said something, which i believe
is a sign of courage.
He said, "it was just infatuation, i dun like her anymore"
and my reaction was.U FINALLY ADMITTED IT
though i didnt say it out loud
so at 3.00 laurel gave me a call
and i went to northpoint to meet every1
we are gg to the place where i 1st had a deep impression
of Her
till this day, i still remebered, on the choir farewell
a brown t-shirt and pink mini shorts
haiz, its gd that i can still go back to the same place.
went up to mrs wong's hse and had a few snacks.
went to the basketball court and got owned
haiz, ball games are not my game
played a tiring 2 hours of basketball
can u imagine? 7 ppl playing full court
its crazy, literally
went back up and mrs wong gave us a good $4
its was a big WOW for me.
yea, 1st time go teacher hse get angbao
den so much... haha
went to central to have dinner.
there was this lion dance grp
who were so NOISY and LOUD
and i seriously hav no appetite
but finished everything anyway. crap
went home tired like a dog and got scolding
for not telling my parents that
i was not gg home for dinner. haiz
CRAP
this is a crappy life with a crapper like me

She and Her

On this beautiful friday,
i was happy, on fridays
there's choir and so i get to see Her
but on this beautiful friday, there is no choir
She gave me a ferror rocher, er flower?
i think She knows, that most likely
i wouldn't er, say appeciate(however u spell it)
so i thought of giving it to Her
but then doing that would be very unfair to She
and the good thing or maybe its a bad thing is
She and Her are in the same class
so its kinda bad u know?
ok so maybe u dunno
NVM

the 1st time in my life
i actually moved, or say, taked action
to go after a girl
and this time, its Her
ok maybe its not (this time)
it should be (the 1st time)
i just dunno how to put it
never in my life, i had such a feeling
the feeling of really trying to do something
i really knew
impossible.
going against the odds is not my style
but Her, made me do it

Ren Shi Jian, Qing Wei He Wu?