Hate And Jealousy

Haiz yesterday i was driven out of the bedroom
because i forgot to close the windows of the bedroom
and unfortuanately it rained... zzz
well then by brother's bed, which was next to the window
got awfully wet, and i was outside playing basketball.
so i got scolded, especially when i arrived at home 7.30
so when my brother left the house, i shifted the mattress
to the study room and placed a very good position
even had a good fan blowing up and down my body
the feeling was damn song...
but for this feeling to be damn song... i HAD to lock the door
because if my brother came in suddenly, the door would
bang so hard on my head i think i would end up
in the damn hospitals... so i decided to lock the door
and then my brother came back as expected
wanted to open the door but couldn't(well it was locked...)
then he knocked on the door and i opened it for him
and he ask me why i locked the door.
it was 12 that time and i had choir at 11 so i didn't want to answer him
i only wanted to sleeeeeeepppp
and then he came in and gave a scolding...
zzzz on wad? on me locking the door
he said wad can be normal people dun wan
wanna be theif for wad, dun like to face the light
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
i felt so infuriated
i have this feeling for at least 1 month already
i have this feeling of trying to win my brother in everything
i dunno if this is hate or jealousy but i jus wanna win
i dun wanna let him look down on me
which i believe he is, cos im still shorter than him
i wanna win him!!!!!
i wanna have a better career than him
i wanna have a better wife than him
i wanna have a better car than him
i wanna have a better house than him
i wanna be better in sports than him
i wanna be better in gaming than him
i wanna be taller than him
i wanna be stronger than him
i wanna win him!!!!!
i can't stand this burning ambition

1 good song about me is this jap song