The wrong move

I have to admit. All that seemed well was actually trouble brewing. Sorry for not paying close enough attention. Even though my msn nick is 'All but an illusion', apparently, i haven't learned the lesson myself.

Is it out of impulse? I have no idea. All i know is that it landed me into a big dilemma i do not want to face. Of course, people always say, you can't run forever and so on and so forth. But i really don't want to face this. I found out that I've been very rash recently.

I think I've told people before that i like the feel when I become rash, impulsive. Because it grants me a carefree time. Maybe it be just 10 seconds before i start regretting. But at least, that 10 seconds, i was happy.

As much as i don't want, don't like, don't wish to care. I still do. As much as i try to hide, conceal, i still get seen. Things like these can't be helped. So i would just sit there and sulk. Wear a mask all the time and risk letting people see through. Its tough, but as youngsters nowadays, we don't really care what happens to us do we?

Perhaps its because of some group of idiot trying to prove something and i so hellishly want to prove them wrong. Maybe its this impulse to beat them that i become so crazy. Do things without thinking thrice.

It is true that not everything we want to say or do can be thought over many times, but an impulse to act upon instinct really sucks. Especially the consequences.

To explain what i meant further, this is an analogy.

My plan is to do 'Act a' then do 'Act b' before doing 'Act c'. But when i reach 'Act a', suddenly people keep saying 'Aiya, he confirm will do 'Act b' de la.' Then i will get that goddamn it impulsive to do something else, which in turn spoil all of my plans.

When i realise that would happen, i try to reverse everything and do 'Act b'. Then it gets everyone confused because they can't understand my thinking. Which is perfectly alright. I don't need anyone's acknowledgment on what I am doing.

What i want is to keep that damn impulse away so i can concentrate on my plans. Its really sickening. No wonder there's so many phrases teaching us the horrors of people and gossip.

Suddenly everything becomes a little clear isn't it? Haha.


Fate, the master puppeteer.