The Cycle.

You can't imagine how happy i was when i looked at that letter. $150 only it may be. Some might even find it a sum so little it shouldn't even be brought up. However, i was still all smiles.

At least, that letter proved something. Hard work didn't go to waste. Haha. Actually also not really hard work. Just attempt to study. It does pay, literally. That's what the GPA is for anyway. Haha.

Looking back, at the start of the year, the aim was only to pass all subjects. Thanks to last year's experience, i was super confident of that target. Since i proved to myself that the only subject that i can never pass no matter how hard i tried was 'art', passing all others should be quite easy. And so that was the impression at that point of time. It was enough. Its important not to be so ambitious when you're me.

Then i realized, no, its not enough. It cannot be. If it is, i would die a terrible death. But well, too late. I thought. It always seem too late. Then I'll go into the never ending cycle of draining into death.

Always start to feel that I can study finish everything within a month and try to start. Then will start to feel that there is not enough time. And the pressure starts getting higher and higher. Of course, it isn't supposed to be so high. I'm not even supposed to be hardworking. Haha.

With high pressure on my head all the time, i will start to try to de-stress. Which is disastrous since the time i use to de-stress i will feel that it actually delays my progress that leads to even more pressure, then even more time used to de-stress, followed by more pressure and the cycle goes on. At least, until i break down.

Well, that's why i failed a-maths. Seriously, that's the reason. I know it clearer than anyone else. Too much stupidity in the brains. Haha. Sometimes, that's also the reason why i always fail the last subject. Haha.

So every time, the same disastrous thing happens. Its kind of irritating, having to go through it every year. 3 years already. Hope i won't experience it next year. Haha.

Btw, in lower sec, the last subjects are always 'art'. HAHA. Not a coincidence. Not at all.

And all these are actually caused by something else. That is, the december holidays. Believe it or not.

Sometimes, really feel like a 败家子. 整天在家无所事事,浪费光阴. Plus, the brain always turns upside down. The lifestyle always turns upside down. I wonder why. I would result to waking up everyday at 11am without an alarm and 10am with one. Many people might find it normal, okay. But i don't. Seriously i don't.

I have this super uber strange erm, habit? I don't know what is it. Every monday. During schooldays that is, every monday, IF i overslept, i would oversleep for the WHOLE WEEK. IF i managed to wake up early, i would wake up early for the WHOLE WEEK.

That is super disastrous. And holidays... Haha. Everyday die lo. Confirm late for everything. Haha. Plus, i would always try to sleep before 11pm everyday. Now i can't even sleep if its earlier than 12am.

Really, the whole lifestyle is turned upside down. Its kind of self-destruct in progress. When school starts, i would spend the first month tuning myself back to 早睡早起. Then i think i would miss out everything that has been taught in the first month then use the second month half learning those taught in the first month half learning those taught in the second month.

So when the common test in march comes, I would see so many failures that i start making plans inside my head to study. Then my mid-year would be average, average. Which leads to slacking and the 2nd common test would also have lotsa failures. And then the pressure builds up for EOYs. And well, that's the cycle. Hahaha...


Possibilities of many lie ahead,
Shutting myself to none in wait.